Well this is Awkward:Religious Insensitivity

Let us bow our heads and pray in order to give thanks to Jesus for this food that we’re about to receive“. I stand there for a moment looking around the room; waiting for someone to acknowledge that I don’t believe in this practice anymore and haven’t for over eleven years but no acknowledgement comes.  These are the words of a family member who knows me and is standing across from me without a second thought about the request as everyone in the room begins reaching out to hold hands.

I stand there waiting for someone to say “hey Jay, you good? Do you need to step away?” I’m not a Christian anymore but no one pays any mind to this and doesn’t think anything is wrong with the all-inclusive request. In that moment I’m left to either speak up and “make a scene”, walk away until they finish or to just grab their hands, bow my head,smile and say Amen at the end. I grab their hands, they bow their heads but I don’t close my eyes. I just stare at everyone in the room wondering what if I praised Allah?

About two months ago I was hanging with some friends and another similar situation occurred. They wanted all of us to pray to Jesus for blessing us with safe travels but this time one of my friends acknowledge that they knew I didn’t believe in this but continued anyway and rightfully so. I grinned and said don’t worry about it. I grabbed their hands, stood in the circle and listened to them pray because I didn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable even though I was. I decided to put my practice, my beliefs and my lifestyle second to theirs to avoid making them uncomfortable.

Just the other day someone close to me asked me to go to Church with them again even though they know it’s not my spiritual practice. For eleven years I’ve had to continue to politely say “no thanks” to their invitation and yet they never stop for one second to think that it’s insensitive to keep asking because for them, it’s natural to be the norm in the room.

They don’t think about what it’s like to be the minority in a group setting unless it relates to the color of their skin. Religious people assume that what they do and what they say is what everyone does and that you will either get with the program or not. (sound familiar?) Not one person who ask you to bow your head and pray stops to think for one second that it’s insensitive to your lifestyle and if they do stop to think about it they certainly don’t care if they proceed without checking.

This is the life of any person who no longer follows a religious lifestyle or religious deity and the moment we speak up for ourselves, the people who do live that type of lifestyle become bothered by our actions or by what we’ve said. Somehow someway we become the offender merely by wanting to be included or at the very least, acknowledged,

The next step for the now offended religious people is the questioning of your existence. They want their lifestyle to be superior to your lifestyle so they question you as if you’re the one not living freely. How did you become this way? What is your belief? What is your definition of God? Questions that they really don’t want an answer to because they’ve already decided their rebuttal the moment you stated “I’m no longer”.

They then tell you that you’re hurt and that you must be feeling anger and bitterness about Church and that you’re holding on to old feelings that are unhealed.  This of course in most cases is the furthest from the truth. If anything we’re mad at ourselves for allowing ourselves to have spent so much time following the religion we left. The truth is they don’t want to have a real conversation on the topic because the truth is they don’t really care about your truth, they only care about their truth. They care about being right but the fact is, nobody knows.

We (the non-religious) have to tip toe around the religion topic among our friends and family in order to avoid making the religious uncomfortable. We are expected to stay uncomfortable to keep them comfortable and as a black who already has to tip toe around the topics of racism and equal rights in America I refuse to keep tip toeing on my spiritual lifestyle as well. Listen, there are many spiritual practices that grow people closer to their own happiness and many of them have nothing to do with Jesus Christ and Allah or any other religion.

Most religious people are insensitive to everyone around them who don’t practice the religious lifestyle that they themselves do. Let me drive home a point really quickly here. If you tell these same people you don’t eat meat they don’t offer you burgers anymore; they think about what else they can do to accommodate your no meat-eating at the next event.  If you tell these same people you’re allergic to shellfish they don’t offer you shrimp anymore. If you tell these same people you don’t smoke cigarettes anymore they don’t offer you a cigarette 4 months later. They make the adjustments.

Why? Because they respect your decision to stay alive and to make your own decisions for your life surrounding those issues. However; if you tell them you aren’t a certain religion anymore; particularly the one that they still are; they keep asking you to go to Church with them. Why? Because they don’t respect your decision and don’t understand how one could “turn their back on the Lord” They don’t understand how someone can become happier AFTER leaving that religion. And they don’t know because they never really tried to exist without it. They never tried to find their own way without the belief that they need help to find their soul’s happiness.

Recently; my mom and sister asked me to go to Church because it was sister’s birthday weekend. I politely declined the invitation and maybe I was a little snooty in my response but dammit, it’s been eleven years. Why are you still asking me to go back to a place that didn’t make me a better person? I’m a better person because I left religion and believe it or not, there are millions of people who are BETTER people because they did as well. The truth is the Church invite didn’t bother me as much as my sister’s response to me declining the invite. It bothered me all night; so much in fact that I woke up and made this statement on my FB timeline.

fbpost

To be completely honest the latest invite was just the straw that broke the camel’s back but it wasn’t the sole contributor to my post. Now, you would think that people who have been taught to be empathetic to their fellow brothers and sisters would come onto the post and say something like ” I understand where you’re coming from and yes, we can do a better job at respecting each other’s lifestyles” but 155 comments later and only one person was able to kinda say they agree and even that was like pulling teeth. Instead, those who live a religious lifestyle or follow a deity commented that I was insensitive to their belief because I used the word addicted and disliked my analogy.

Remember when I said the one offended becomes the offender with religious people? The very first comment was “I think it’s interesting that you called it an addiction and place religion or religious zeal on the same level as a physical addiction” Others then said that I talked bad about Jesus in a negative light. Please refer to the above picture and tell me where I painted Jesus in a negative perspective?

The religious people completely  ignored the part about their lifestyle being insensitive towards others. They completely avoided the part of stop working against someone’s spiritual journey and focused in on two words; Jesus and addiction. From that point on they automatically put up their Christian defensiveness and no longer wanted to talk about anything else. They completely ignored the fact that quite possibly that Church is an addiction for many but instead of talking about religious addiction from my perspective and to prove I’m not making this stuff up I’m going to place some links here that you can read for yourself.  Please read and then continue.

Now that I’ve made my point let me ask you a few questions. Have you ever had a friend who you were close to stop talking to you because you weren’t a Christian and all of a sudden they were? Have you ever had someone break up with you because you no longer were “equally yoked”? Have you ever had someone isolate themselves completely from their real family to be part of the church family? Have you ever had anyone completely lose themselves in Church? If you can answer yes to any of those questions then you can’t deny that Church isn’t an addiction.

Atheist, Agnostic,spiritual practitioners and those who no longer follow a religion didn’t just all of a sudden wake up one gloomy day wallowing in our sorrows and decide we no longer want to follow Christ, follow God or any other deity. For most of us, the decision to stop believing in something outside of ourselves was brutal and likely took years to finally be able to say I’m done with it.

Do you think it’s easy to be the only one who isn’t a religious follower in your family and circle of friends? Do you think people want to feel isolated from those relationships? You can try to convince yourself that we do but many of us are still struggling with just saying how we feel on a damn FB timeline because we don’t want to be judge, debated, and dismissed.

And that’s the most frustrating part about religious people being insensitive. The callous dismissal of our beliefs and life decisions. The constant questioning of our decisions because they don’t understand them. The degrading looks that they give when you tell them Church isn’t for me. The non-religious don’t go around asking them when they’re going to stop going to church.

The non deity following don’t accuse the deity following people of being broken and hurt which is why they turn to someone to try to fix them. No, we just accept you as you are and let you go about your life in peace. We try to be mindful of your spiritual path and journey without trying to convince you to come to the brighter side. Why? Because we respect your decision and we’re sensitive to your space in the world.

That’s all I and others like myself are asking from anyone who desires to live any religious lifestyle; respect the space that we too have to live in. Stop asking us to go backwards and start asking us to go forward together in another way. Be mindful that everyone in your circle isn’t bowing to Allah, be respectful that not everyone in your circle prays to Jesus over their food, be mindful that not everyone in your circle want to give credit to a source outside of themselves for their safe travels because I’m certainly mindful that many in my circle do.

The truth is, you don’t have to understand to be respectful of the lifestyle and the scary thing is, us (the non-religious) nine times out of ten understand the religious lifestyle because we came from it and yet we find a way to respect it still. Most of the religious people don’t know what it’s like to even live on the side of the fence of spiritual freedom. They don’t know if it’s horrible, great or heavenly bliss and yet they remain insensitive and dismissive of it.

The last point that I’m going to drive home is that on my post there were many friends who commented that they agreed with me and that they no longer follow a religious lifestyle. This was shocking and surprising to me. I didn’t know I had so many friends who felt the same way and you know why I didn’t know? Because they don’t talk about it openly. They never post about, they never comment about it because they don’t want to deal with the arguments, debates and funny looks. They want to avoid exactly what I experienced on my PERSONAL timeline.

They would rather be silent to the insensitivity that they face because they value their peaceful space but is that really fair to have to silence your peace in order to not rock the boat of a religious friend? Are we the only ones that have to be sensitive to the ego’s of religious folks in order to have peace? Can the religious not try to be just a little more respectful and spiritually conscious of all us? We’re not asking you to stop believing in God, we’re just asking that you to do better at acknowledging different lifestyles because we certainly do. So much so that I stand in circles, grab hands and sometimes bow my head in respect for that space.

In closing maybe you’re being insensitive because you don’t care and maybe you think it’s cool to not care but as a person claiming to be a follower of a religion you should care. So stop trying to make us feel like we’re bad people because we’re on the right spiritual path for ourselves. What’s for you is for you so that clearly means it’s not for everyone else too. Go spread the gospel to the people who have never heard it and need some help finding the light but stop asking people who were already part of it to come back to something that you yourself can’t even follow 100%. I leave you with this quote that my FB friend Oakey McKnight commented on the post and it’s this…..

“ Religion is like penises, you can be proud of yours; just don’t wave it in my face.”

I hope this brings enlightenment to some of my religious friends.

in·sen·si·tive

adjective

  1. showing or feeling no concern for others’ feelings.
*I’m just a guy who blogs. I’m no English professor so don’t let a grammatical error stop your blessing. If you’d like to offer your services for free then let’s talk. 🙂
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Taking No Responsibility: How Blaming the Devil and Thanking God Is Holding You Back

I am unapologetic when it comes to speaking the truth about the things that we as human’s do and don’t do. Our actions intrigue me because I believe that at our core, we all are very similar and identical and I believe at the core of all the things we claim to be or not to be is our interactions with not only each other but with how we fit our lives around what our beliefs are. So I spend a lot of time dissecting people’s words and action’s. I analyze not so that I can be right but so that I can understand better. I want to be a better people person, i want to be better at understanding people and I want to be better at communicating with people.

What I do understand is that we spiritual beings are like onions that are unpeeled. We have different layers to us that we feel are precious or important and do not take very kindly to other people trying to peel our layers away without permission. Each layer is a belief that we have intertwined into our lives and most of us when peeling, peel the onion incorrectly. Truthfully most of us cut the onion in ways that makes us cry because we have failed to understand the process of proper dissection.

This  peeling and revealing is not an easy task and never will be. We are protective about who we think we are. With each layer that we try to dissect we realize that the layer we are dissecting has been infused with a belief. Let me ask you a question, have you ever tried to have a conversation with someone who believes something completely different than you and don’t want to hear another possible way? Frustrating right? And what normally happens? The conversation is either very short, one-sided or verbally aggressive/defensive and people take FULL Responsibility for their believes un-apologetically. Defending their points and counterpoint even if the facts don’t add up.

We all do this to a certain extent. It takes a very open-minded individual to be able to not only hear what someone with a different believe is saying but to also not be critical of them while also acknowledging that it could be true. As I’ve grown as a spiritual being I’ve learned there is no greater power than self-reflection that leads to a deeper self-examination that ultimately leads to a deeper understanding of self. I’ve done these things and what I’ve learned so far is that there is one main area of people’s lives that many have decided to take NO RESPONSIBILITY for. This area is in taking FULL RESPONSIBILITY of one’s Life.

I’m going to ask you two questions. It will be quite troubling for some(maybe even blasphemous)which is okay and for others it will be so thought-provoking that they will “get it” and become even more awake and their light will grow brighter. Two questions, are you ready?

  1. Who would we blame for our troubles if Devil didn’t exist? (yikes)
  2. Who would we give all our credit to if God didn’t exist? (oh boy)

Wow, those may be the two hardest questions to answer in your life but if properly examined the answer to both will move you forward because they both end with you! But think about it and then answer it out loud! Maybe have your “aha” moment. The debate is not whether or not either exist  but if you want become more conscious and live a better, stronger and smarter life, then it is advise that you evaluate why many people put blame on Devil and always thank God for the good. You may do this and not even be aware.  In fact, if you were to go back(I encourage you to do so) and look at all the things that have transpired in your life there will be only one common denominator, you.

Let’s talk about the first question. If there was no devil who would you blame for your troubles? Would you be able to blame another person who doesn’t have control over your life? It’s possible, but would that be truthful? How could someone else be the cause of your pain if you aren’t allowing them to? The only person that you would be able to blame would be yourself.  If devil didn’t exist and you know that you do then isn’t it quite possible that all your troubles are self-induced?

If you are a believer in ‘the” devil then you can admit that we can’t prove that “the” Devil is the reason for your issues no more than someone who doesn’t believe in the devil can blame negative energy on theirs. Who is the main contributor to your troubles? Believing that Devil or as I have come to know it (d)evil, negative energy is keeping you from reaching your path, your goals, your greatness is doing a disservice to the beautiful goodness that you are. As I wrote in my other blog entry ” Praying: The Power of  Belief vs The Power of Action” it’s easier to deflect instead of reflect.

It’s not a good feeling evaluating one’s life only to come to a conclusion that you are the problem. No one wants to be wrong, to be the issue, the common denominator. It’s a tough pill to swallow but I’m here to help you understand that the Devil you may believe in is not the problem. Believing that the devil is blocking you IS the problem. Remember, it’s easier to point at others than it is ourselves. Be truthful with yourself, the problem is you or your friends giving the devil power over you. If the devil didn’t exist you would have no one to blame besides you. I don’t believe that the devil lives. I take full responsibility for my troubles.

Responsibility means “the state or fact of being accountable or to blame for something”. It comes from Respond which means “morally accountable for one’s actions”. So when you take no Responsibility for your troubles you are admitting that you can’t be held accountable for your actions. How can that be though? How can you not be in your situation right now without you being in control of it? You can’t move without your will, you can’t speak without your tongue. Even if devil exist in the way that many believe “him” to be, they are giving “him” way too much credit in their lives.

Let’s talk about question number two just briefly. Everything that I just mentioned in reference to Devil and I say devil instead of THE devil because we don’t say THE God.  To use modern logic, If there is only one true God and  there must be an opposite of God and it must only be one True Devil. Speaking  in the sense that many believe both to exist in the spiritual realm. Back on topic, who would we give all our credit to if God didn’t exist? Again, I’m not stating that God doesn’t exist but what if God did not? We can’t currently prove that God does exist.

So, if God didn’t exist and yet we still had and have good things happening in our lives who would be thankful for? We could no longer say ” I thank God”. Is it possible that you would only be able to say “I thank me” Would it be wrong to take credit for what you have done? Absolutely not. In fact, we need to take more credit for all the good that we have in our life. God or any pure spirit forms can’t operate in the physical realm. But you do! This is our Kingdom that we share with all. Giving God all your credit is another example of people deflecting instead of reflecting.

It’s a lose lose situation giving all the credit to God(contrary to popular belief). How often do you hear people say ” I give God all the glory, Forever and ever”. Let us not be ignorant, God can help open doors but they are the same doors you already knew you needed to walk through, likewise in blaming all the bad on the devil because it takes  the “I” out of the equation.  There will be no progression if we can’t change from who we are without acknowledging our part in the degrading of self. It is only in the “I’ that one comes to understand self. By deflecting on both ends you are literally “taking no responsibility” in your life. You are wiping your hands clean of any of the good and bad that exist.

With that logic, all that we have, do and will ever do happen because of coincidences. They happen because of what God and Devil decide is needed in our life. Thankfully, this is not the truth of the universe we exist in. The Universe that we exist in clearly shows that men and women are the creators of our very own fortunes and misfortunes. It is because of your faith in believing that God is ordering your steps that keeps you pushing is it not? Through that same faithful push something else is happening. What is it? It’s you putting in the work or lack of work.

When we put in the lack of work many are then believing that God is allowing Devil to afflict them but is it God and his brother? Or is it simply you. Question, do you want progression? Then take the same amount of faith that you place in Devil and God and place half of that in yourself. It’s unfortunate, people give Devil more credit than they give themselves and yet they say “the devil is a liar”. Who’s the real liar in our lives? Devil or us?

I thank God sometimes, not nearly as much as I use to. Not because I don’t believe that God  doesn’t exist and not because I don’t think God is listening but because I understand that the most appreciative action I can do for God is to LIVE. To live is to do and so I do the things near and dear to my life. God has not told me or any other spiritual being who lives our lives in this way that we are in the wrong or going to hell. In fact I grew exponentially and exceptionally when I focused my gaze within instead of without.

Take responsibility of your life until it has been proven that God and Devil are affecting your life in the way(s) that you believe it to be. A loving all-inclusive God will not judge you harshly or refuse to forgive you for truly living if the day comes that you are standing at the gates of Heaven. Maybe I’m of a different breed when it comes to questioning everything that I deem to be significant but I started questioning certain logic at the age of eight-teen.

It was simple questions such as, “If God gives favor over his own believers, why then do those who don’t believe tend to have more than those who don’t”.  The answer’s that I received from my mom or those in church were always similar. “Your riches will be heaven”, “you must go through the bad before God blesses you” “Because we sinned” “Because we aren’t ready yet”. What’s the common denominator in all of these answers? I had no control over any of it. These answers were only temporary band aids on an open wound that needed surgery. Eventually, I needed more because I was doing the things they told me I needed to do and it still wasn’t good enough.

If you take nothing else away from this entry, take this. I realized that we should never be so self-centered to believe there is nothing  above us but not naive is enough to never question whether or not that’s true. I realized that I should be smart enough to never think myself the most high but not ignorant enough to believe that I’m the most low. I understand that maybe we shouldn’t praise ourselves but we should respect ourselves enough to build ourselves higher. Below are the tips that I started to apply to my very own life at the age of twenty-five that spear-headed the growth in my life. I continue to use these tips whenever I need a reminder or need to refocus. I hope that they can work for you as much as they have worked for me.

  1. Believe wholeheartedly in yourself
  2. Take responsibility for the bad
  3. Take responsibility for the Good
  4. Be thankful each day
  5. Live how you want, not how others tell you should
  6. Evaluate why you are in similar situations each year
  7. Put a plan of attack together to progress not regress
  8. Don’t use God and Devil as a crutch
  9. Don’t use people as your crutch
  10. Let go of the things that you can’t control
  11. Stop using your past as a crutch
  12. Question everything un-apologetically
  13. Understand that God loves you no matter what you choose to do, who you choose to be or  what you choose to believe
  14. Place yourself around someone or people who can guide you on the knowledge you need (without them wanting anything in return)
  15. Love ferociously and forgive continuously

“No one will ever blame you for trying to get it right.”

― Lorii MyersMake It Happen, A Healthy, Competitive Approach to Achieving Personal Success

 

 

 

Praying: The Power of Belief vs The Power of Action

 

Spiritual Detachment: The Misconception

Hard work spent understanding self

Overcoming the false identity  of physical wealth

Keen awareness of being led by the ego

The best path to walk is the path of letting go.

Not understood by most they boast in their own airing’s

Unaware beings confuse detachment  with nonchalant and non-caring

Its the furthest from the truth the great misconception

A Perception of non-emotional driven actions

Cannot be rocked by false lies and bad energy

Nor Past or future memories living only in the present moment

Acknowledgement of the highs and appreciation of the lows but keeping the forward movement

 Elevations that transcend the physical; the spiritual  requires release

Attachment is not to you or things but only to finding a greater peace

It is not about not caring or being nonchalant

Its about Understanding perspectives and relating

Respecting opinions and communicating

Loving people as they are and where they are

But placing ones peace of being first and foremost

This is the art of spiritual detachment.. its not for most

Heaven and Hell: Its Possible we’re living it.

I remember vividly when I was about 18 years of age being asked by someone important in my life if I thought I’d go to heaven or hell when I die? I was asked that question because I no longer wanted to go to church. My answer was of course I thought I’d be going to heaven but that I wasn’t sure. I was expected to be fearful of not only a place called hell but also of heaven. I didn’t truly understand the question any more than I understood what heaven or hell truly was. What I did know was in that moment in my life is that I was tired of being in fear of either or. I was ready to except either or because I felt like I was living in hell already.

A few years later I returned to a religious lifestyle, It was around the age of 22 when I decided that I would give it my best shot at understanding how to get to heaven and how to avoid hell. I remember being asked by a church peer if I believed in heaven and hell and did I think I was going to heaven? My answer was a profound yes. After all I did love Jesus Christ and had “given” my life to him. How could I not believe in both of these places but not think that I wouldn’t go to heaven? Behind close doors though I had way more questions than answers in regards to the process of heaven and hell.

Around the age of 27 I had already decided that a religious lifestyle no longer felt peaceful within my being(the spiritual struggle had to end) I had grown so much in my understanding of life, spirituality and God. I remember losing friends because of my decision to leave Christianity. They no longer wanted to be associated with someone whom they believed was going to hell. I remember a few of those last conversations in which they asked me if I thought i was going to heaven or hell.

My reply was no, I don’t believe I’m going to hell because I don’t believe in a physical place where I will spend eternity burning and no I don’t believe I’m going to a place called heaven where the streets are laced with gold. I told them that heaven and hell are a state of mind and being and that if God lives in a physical place called heaven then all beings that have a spirit will go back to this place from which we all came by design.

I’m now 32 years of age and what I can tell you about Heaven and Hell from the understanding I’ve come to be at peace with is that Hell exist in ones life when a person refuses to acknowledge their actions that place them inside a box. In this box of hell people place all their beliefs, actions and non-actions and try to call it absolute truth. They don’t allow any new form of light/information to enter into this box of walls other than what they already think know or hear. They only re-affirm what they themselves already know by listening only to other individuals who believe the same thing. How does a spirit/person grow by listening and rehashing the same material?

Is there a physical place called hell? The possibility does exist. But there is also the possibility that such a place doesn’t exist and that hell is living your entire life here on earth going through the motions believing that there is(real talk). We have to always remember that no living individual has ever been to a physical place called hell. As I have learned from those before me “our beliefs do not make it a fact”

Which brings me to the topic of Heaven. Many belief that a place called heaven exist but they also believe that in order to get there one must meet a particular set of requirements to do so. A person has to be “special” so to speak in order to reach it in the afterlife.

Side note here: Its interesting to note that people like to place “hell” in one box and “heaven” in another box not realizing that it all falls into the same box of beliefs that they are living in.  Like hell, heaven is a state of being, a state of mind. Many spiritual masters before us taught these lessons. They have taught that you can go from heaven to hell in seconds if you are not under control of your life.

Again, I must state that the possibility of an existing place called heaven described in books such as the bible will always remain possible until it has been proven it does not exist. But its also possible that it does not exist and that Heaven on earth is what we all are truly trying to find.

Which is also easier to find if the box we are living in has either been destroyed or renovated to allow more information in. In order to find a place or condition of utmost happiness(heaven) people need to stop having  in-equality in all areas of their life. Hell is saying you believe in a loving, all inclusive God/belief but then saying you can’t go to heaven if you arent like me.

It is much more likely that all spiritual beings living here on earth will return back from which it came (God/Heaven) than it is that All the different cultures and races created will convert to ONE particular belief.

Its possible that we all are correct and that there are multiple ways to be in heaven, get to heaven or be in hell or get to hell. It is also possible (as some people believe) that we are living heaven and hell right now.

For me personally, I have found more peace is accepting all possibilities than trying to narrow it down to an absolute one. I found more hell in living because of the need of wanting to be right in my belief. Whether we are choosing to believe in Heaven or Hell we are still choosing to believe in something outside of our control, something that a person can’t see or visit until our physical form has passed.

I am choosing to believe that we are all equal and that we all will reach the ultimate happiness no matter what we believe. I am choosing that heaven and hell are a state of being while living here on earth and I feel so at peace in this understanding. If I happen to be incorrect I also believe in a LOVING AND FORGIVING GOD that will accept me as is and will thank me for living my life the way best fits me.

And I’m not trying to convert you, I’m just trying to get you to let a little more information inside that box you may be living in. I’m not writing this to make you comfortable, I’m writing this to make you un-comfortable because thats really the only way you will grow…

How you living?

Answers to the Questions…

I’m starting to wonder if there ever comes a moment in ones life that they decide that no more knowledge is needed. Or if there is a moment in life where a person realizes that they will never get the answers to the questions that they seek.

What does that moment feel like? At what age does that moment happen? And does it get better or worse from that moment on? Is there sadness in that moment or is there peace in that moment?

I’m beginning to think that the real answers only come after death. I’m not one to normally think about death because for me death is nothing more than another action in motion. It is not something that I nor anyone else can do about it. I stopped concerning myself with things that are out of my control awhile ago, worrying about death serves no purpose other than completing a life cycle.

But tonight I’m wondering, not so much about death but more so about whether or not I will get any closer to the answers that I have about what we call life before my death. If I have to be honest with myself I’d have to say no. How many before had these same questions? Did they find the answers? If so, did they let anyone know?

I believe that is why I read so many spirituality books because I feel that the answer is out there in a book undiscovered or simply a book I have not yet read. It doesn’t sadden me that I probably will never find the answer but yet it does excite me in the search for it. We all are searching for something…I’m searching for a re-connection.

Some will probably find it weird but I’ve found peace in not knowing, I’ve found peace in accepting life as it is and yet I’m still searching . Ironic that you can be at peace but yet still require more. As if you want to prove yourself wrong. But Just like I’ve stopped placing my expectations on to people I have stopped placing my expectations on to life. I’ve decided that simply by living that everything will reveal itself when it supposed to.

I’ve decided that the purpose of life is to simply live it freely as one possible can. There are no rules to this. Society has made them up as we have evolved into our current form. What is the purpose of life? To live it how you so desire and I desire to live in the moment and to see the beauty in all that exist.

There might be better answers to the questions and there may be a better answer to what the purpose of life is, but right now thats the only answer giving me peace.

I’m a different thinker…and I can’t always express myself to those who know me but my friends always ask me, why are people so drawn to you? And I always say I don’t know but in truth? I believe its because I have something in me that they need…something that they can feel. And thats pure love for all people.

That type of energy is always felt and we all want to be connected to that and I believe thats why ALL people are drawn to me. Its taken me sometime to understand myself but because I asked myself the tough questions and searched deep for those answers I found part of what I needed.

My last thought for tonight before I close my eyes……I think that pure love is scary both to the one giving and to the one receiving. The only difference between attracting it or repelling it is either accepting it or not…