Dating & Relationships The Journey

For The Birds

I tried monogamous dating and that shit's for the birds....

I tried monogamous dating and that shit’s for the birds.

Listen, for a very long time in my twenties I was the guy heavily involved in church who only dated one woman at a time, who wanted to date to get married and didn’t want to sleep around with multiple women. I was that guy who was a one woman man and I carried those diabolical characteristics with me until I was about twenty-four years of age. And truth be told; for the most part, no, for the whole part I was to blame for why all of my early adult relationships didn’t work out. I was a completely selfish individual and by selfish I mean leaving my girl’s birthday party early without telling her because I was uncomfortable. Don’t judge me, I had issues.

Anyway, somewhere between leaving religion and finally getting my nasty freak on, my dating philosophies changed from focusing on one woman to dating multiple women at a time until I found someone worthy enough and capable enough to handle my perspective on life. And by worthy I mean big ass and pretty face and by handle my perspective I mean not threaten to kill me when they’re mad at me…don’t judge me. My taste in women had to mature dammit.

By the age of thirty I had finally found the happy median of not dating too few women and not dating too many women. For me, that number settled on three women at the most and two women at the least while only sleeping with one other woman(FWB) outside of those women. Sounds complicated I know but being able to compartmentalize the situation fixed a lot of issues. And let’s be real, most people aren’t capable of having sex and not letting it cloud the dating situation they’re in.

Sex for most people complicates things but having sex is not the issue, not communicating how your feelings have changed after sex gets involved is the issue. So, I removed sex from the equation with the women I was dating and if I ended up having sex with one of those two to three women, I wouldn’t have sex with anyone else.

This was my happy place but a funny thing happens when you find yourself single and actually trying to find someone and nothing is panning out. You start to listen to other people and their dating philosophies because clearly what you’re doing is not working.  And a lot of my friends (both male and female) were saying that only dating one person at a time, with all your focus on that one person is the better thing to do. Now, people smarter than I would have seen that their asses were single too but hey, a funny thing happens when you’re single….you listen to single ass people who too are throwing stuff against the wall seeing what sticks.

Now, I’ve had three relationships since I turned thirty with about one year in-between them all (I’m 37) and some would like to call me a serial dater but truth is they’re just too comfortable being single and I’ve actually been trying to find a life partner. You can’t find that by not dating and you can’t find that by not taking chances with people. I’d rather try to and it not work than to be single for five years with no sex ,being mad at the world and spending my time making memes about I’m single because I’d rather travel. No! You’re single because you’re scared but I digress.

In the 2nd half of 2017 I had the least amount of success that I’ve ever had in dating. Not only could I not find three women to actually date, I couldn’t even find one woman to actually date. I couldn’t even get pass the first date and to make matters worse the online dating scene has gotten 100 times worse. And by worse I mean, women thinking yes, no, maybe, idk is a conversation (throw the whole woman away) so getting to the first date was  basically dead in the water.

So after much deep reflection and listening to other people I decided that in 2018 I was going to focus on one woman at a time because you can’t keep doing the same thing and expect a different result right?  Right? Best believe I was definitely skeptical of this one person dating rule because if it worked so well; then why were there so many single women?(most of the people who told me to do this were women..I lied)

They would say things like when you focus all your energy on one person you can make better decisions regarding that person” or they would say “you aren’t distracted by other people so you won’t miss the red flags.  I say whether you’re dating a conglomerate of people or not,  you missing the red flags has nothing to do with the number of people but everything to do with your  bad choices in not learning from your mistakes. Side note; I need you to understand that when I decide to do something I’m one hundred percent in and so I was full throttle ahead on giving this monogamous dating thing another try and do you know what happened?

THE SAME SHIT THAT HAPPENED WHEN I DATED MULTIPLE WOMEN..LMAO

Monogamous Dating is for the birds because what people fail to realize is that it doesn’t matter whether you date one person or eight people if the person or people you date aren’t ready to make a decision on taking a chance with someone. You could be the next worse thing since Donald Trump or the next best thing since sliced bread and they’d still not take a chance on you.

With this knowledge I’d even argue that since dating is a number’s game and that timing is everything; that dating multiple people is in everyone’s best interest because it increases your odds of coming across the person worthy of your time and can handle your perspective on life quickest and by worthy I mean….nevermind.

Keeping it one hundred? You could text that person everyday, you could ask to see them every weekend, you could call them everyday and you can even kinda do the right thing by making yourself look available when they ask (I’ve done all this in 2018) and you’ll still find yourself binge watching Bosch on Friday night while shopping for shit you don’t need on amazon prime for stuff you don’t need all because you’re single as fuck and ain’t nobody showing you what that mouth do.

But that’s not your fault if you’re actually out there trying and you should pat yourself on the back for actually giving a fuck about your love life but just know that whether you date just one person or many, it’s not what you do that makes the difference, it’s what they choose to do that does. The greatest deciding factor regarding whether you end up in a relationship or you don’t is if they’re in a place to take a chance on you. Also, if you aren’t in a place to take a chance on someone then either tell the people you’re dating the truth, let people just smash or get out of the way. Because contrary to popular belief, wasting people’s time in 2018 is NOT the thing to do.

So I’m going back to dating multiple women until one woman shows me she’s ready to take a chance and you can keep dating one person at a time if that’s your cup of tea but don’t tell me one works better than the other because it doesn’t, at least not in modern day dating. Everyone has options and nobody wants to cut any of these so called options off even if these options don’t want them. It’s weird, people would rather hold on to the weaker links than to grab hold of the strongest one even though it’s proven that sometimes you have to go with less in order to get more.

Anyway, no point in being angry birds about it; I’m just saying monogamous dating in the intial stages of dating is for the birds but hell; maybe so is polygamist dating (serial dater) but I want to be clear. I’m not talking about cheating and I’m talking about being in a relationship with mutliple people at once with their blessing (though that might be the way to go), I’m just talking about casual dating in the initial stages of dating. Anyway, before I bid adieu here are some reasons why it doesn’t matter whether you monogamously date or be a serial dater and why you should give zero Fucks about the process…just date and hope someone is ready to take a chance on your crazy ass.. 🙂

Top 12 reasons why how many people you date doesn’t matter if you’re trying to find love

  1. They’re just not into you
  2. They’re not ready for anything serious
  3. They like someone else more than you and you’re option 2,3,4,5,6…..
  4. They’re playing the game
  5. They’re playing hard to get
  6. You’re the Friend with Benefits and don’t know it
  7. The timing is bad
  8. You’re the sidechick/dude and don’t know it
  9. They’re married
  10. They’re a hoe and don’t know it
  11. You’re a hoe and don’t know it (oops)
  12. They or you have unrealistic expectations

Anyway…at least there’s this>>>>For The Birds

“Dating is like trying to make a meal out of leftovers. Some leftovers actually get better when they’ve had a little time to mature. But others should be thrown out right away, No matter how you try to warm them up, they’re never as good as when they were new.”
― Lisa KleypasSugar Daddy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s