It is nothing but a hopeless illusion that I could ever lose myself.
Sitting here observing the world go by, taking in and filtering out all the madness.
I am, forever, present in it all.
It is only within the moment that I personify and rationalize my musings that I experience pain and detachment. Abandonment and loss, Depression and anxieties, these things becoming fused within my psyche when in reality I am the observer of it all.
I am the pulse and I am the thing that gives life simultaneously. I am outside of the dance of distractions consuming all time so tell me why it is I can’t shake this feeling.
I sit here and I wonder just why it has to be this way. Duality at its finest seeking joy yet remaining estranged.
Why is there this pressure in my chest telling me something is wrong. Leading me away from the moment when I… I am pointing the other way. The way that leads me home, tell me what is this thing that has infiltrated my space.
I do not know, no longer am I filled with care but one thing is for sure and I choose to dwell there.
I can no longer push while it pulls nor fight while it eats up all of my will. I can no longer cry more tears for what it seems I need to heal, I can no longer pretend that I am not the thing that is beyond this act and this stage. I will no longer play cat and mouse with the monkey in my brain nor the snake coiled within its husk and a shadow built of shame.
I have realized I can not let it go, so instead I will let it stay…
We will occupy this body. I will no longer disagree nor entertain its beyond warped perception that fear is valid for that is the true danger. In and of itself… and it is danger I should be aware of with no questions arising. Always it is just. It is simply a compass and a knowing I can trust.
When I stop resisting its existence perhaps it’s insistence will quiet. Take heed to my directions and relinquish it’s violence. After all the saying goes “Peace? Be still.” so with that it is known through silence I am filled.
The jury is out, there shall be no more debating. Nothing to eliminate just alignment with my placement. It is right here I can feel that my nature is at ease. Seeing it seeing me and so I know it isn’t me…