Those who don’t know you don’t get you and those who don’t get you are likely strangers living vicariously through you. They’re strangers to actually knowing who you are, what you’re about and how you’re trying to live your life and I can say this with absolute confidence because anyone who’s a true friend of yours or someone who’s opinion you value will know exactly the type of person you are. Strangers who know not who you are should have very little impact (if any at all) on how you feel about yourself but sometimes the words of others that you hear through the grapevine can cut deep if you allow it.
The unfortunate truth about people is that when you keep your business and lifestyle private to everyone except those in your circle/family then those on the outside are forced to create their own story-line about who you are, what you do and how you think. They take the little bit that they do know, the little they did know and combine it with the whispers from strangers to build their own version of you to fit the narrative they have of you.
This is most often created in a way to make themselves feel elevated above you because who you appear to be makes them uncomfortable and the only way to feel comfortable again is to create a version of you that’s opposite of their own beliefs and lifestyle. Nine times out of ten the version of you that exist in their mind is slightly negative in one way or another. It’s not right, it’s not fair but such is life, this is what strangers do.
Truthfully, sometimes people who were once in your circle and are now in new circles but still interact with parts of your circle contribute to the false narrative as well because they assume they still know you and it’s only natural to be bothered by what you’ve heard them say when you catch wind of it. Most often your first few thoughts are; “how could they say that” and “they know that’s not me” or quite simply it makes you feel “some type of way” about it.
I’m here to tell you that their thoughts, opinions and false narrative about who you are don’t matter (insert hand claps >>>>>)..point….blank….period. They don’t matter and they’re on the outside looking in for many reasons and the only way they can get inside of you is by you allowing them in. Do you choose to give them control over you?
I’ve been there before; I’ve been the person trying to convince people who don’t know me to understand me. I’ve been the person trying to keep people on the inside who deserve to be on the outside . I’ve been the person who’s caught wind of the whispers of strangers and let it affect me. I’ve been the person on the receiving end of a text message from someone you once called a friend and being in shock by what you just read wanting to go the fuck off on them.
Listen, it’s not worth your time, it’s not worth your frustration and it’s certainly not worth the high blood pressure that’s associated with the bullshit that comes along with trying to fix it. Socrates once said “Strong minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, weak minds discuss people” so unless you think Socrates is a idiot why would you want to waste your time with weak-minded people who just want to discuss what they think they know about your character?
“Insecure people only eclipse your sun because they’re jealous of your daylight and tired of their dark, starless nights.”
― Shannon L. Alder
Let the whispers that you hear from strangers fall on deaf ears and let the strangers that whisper; sleep on the bed of lies that put crooks in their backs. The misaligned can’t be aligned with authenticity. So just continue to remain true to yourself and keep pushing forward in the life you’re living but never allow false information to ruin your vibe, your frequency and your energy.
More importantly however is that you don’t contribute to the whispers about someone else that you really don’t know. Don’t be what frustrates you; in fact, be better than that and either shut down the false narrative being created or step away from the conversation. If they who are talking ask you why you did that? Just tell them you don’t participate in the tearing down of someone’s character.
Understand; I’m not trying to be obtuse to how you might feel about the words that you might hear about your false self from someone speaking inaccurate information but if you know those words hold no merit then you don’t have to grin and bear it. Furthermore, if a person doesn’t have the desire to get to know the true you or re-acquaint themselves with you after a shift in the friendship then you don’t have to pretend to care and you don’t have to be the one to reach out to figure out what’s going on. Move on in love until the alignment occurs.
Now, if the whispers are cutting deep because they hold some truths and not because a stranger said it then instead of getting angry with the people who’ve said it; get aligned with yourself and work on those issues. The worst kind of person to be is the kind of person who doesn’t fix the very flaws they themselves see everyday but are quick to call out others. Look, I’m typically not a bible person but somewhere in the bible there’s a passage that translates to don’t be a hypocrite! First remove the beam out of your own eye, and then you can see clearly to remove the speck out of your brother’s eye. Regardless of the belief that’s some real information.
I write these words for anyone feeling isolated in their friendships and networks. I write these words for anyone trying to find their place in the relationships that they have yet to figure out. I write these words for anyone angry, sad and frustrated by the whispers of strangers. I write these words for anyone wanting to pull back from their goal of doing things differently this year and onward. Don’t you quit, don’t you retreat, don’t you put up your walls just because someone doesn’t get you, doesn’t appreciate you or doesn’t fucks with you.
Everyone isn’t going to like you just like everyone doesn’t like me. People have preconceived notions about who I am and they’ve never had one face to face conversation with me. That’s what people do and if I stopped being authentic just because of those people then the people I really care about will suffer and so will yours. I leave you with this. Bill Cosby will never be looked at the same again due to the rape allegations (whether true or not) but one thing I’ll never forget about him were these words he said. “I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.” So why care about the whispers of strangers? Let go and elevate.
“They asked what we were most afraid of. Some said they were afraid of dying and I said dying afraid”-Jay Noetic