Where Growth Happens

Modern Day Dating: Pedigree Men vs Degree Men

Ladies, could it be time to think differently about the men that you do or don’t date? Do you only date inside your race? Do you only date men with the same religious faith as you? Do you only date men who resemble the “image” you’ve had in your mind since you were twenty-one? Do you tend to only take serious the men with a college degree?  Do you prefer the pedigree or the degree? The obvious answer is that you want both right? The pedigree and the degree but growing statistics are starting to show that women our now out pacing men when it comes to achieving higher educations and degree’s. Which means ladies that you’re much more likely to come across a man who doesn’t have a degree versus a man who does have a degree.

Now, don’t get me wrong. You need preferences for what you desire in your partner (e.g. attractive, fit, intelligent, caring,confident, good lover) but maybe it’s time to start dating outside your comfort zone in regards to other areas because unfortunately if you don’t, the current parameters that you date within will continue to get smaller and smaller. Honest question, how many times can a person pick from the same small crop that’s not being repopulated before the crop no longer exist? When I ask single women if they believe in love they always say “yes”. When I ask these same individuals what love looks like in their partner they most often begin listing, height, weight, job, degree, religion, good credit, 401k, nice car, nice house, within 100 miles distant etc.

Now, I understand that women aren’t the only human’s who do this, men do this as well but we (as I am a man) tend to be a little more lackadaisical with our girlfriend, wife requirements (it’s true ask any man). Look, there are 7.2 billion people in the world and your life partner could be anywhere in the world waiting for you two to connect. But what you technically have done when you begin listing “the requirements”  is  that you’ve now cut that number drastically and almost by all accounts, so drastically that it’s almost impossible for a single woman to be successful with. Truthfully speaking, you (if you’re a single woman) can probably attest to the fact that you and all your girlfriends are dating from within the same small parameters that has been set (the ideal image). This is why you most often hear women say “there aren’t any good men here where I live, I need to move”.

A few days ago, I asked a very simple question on my face-book page in regards to this Surplus of women article in the business insider that I stumbled across thanks to a friend. In this said article about dating the author referenced how more evidence is pointing to the fact that women truly do have a more difficult time in the modern-day dating world than men. I simply asked True or False? in regards to this statement.“In other words, if women with a college education were more open to dating men without one, it would improve their odds of finding a date.

I must be honest with you reader that I ASSUMED and EXPECTED that their would be backlash in regards to this statement and that I’d have to put my foot down, pump my chest up and show these women who the real men were.(I kid I kid). I’m not naive and I understand that I was likely viewing the assumption and expectation through the lens that I see life. I did this because, yes, I’m a man without a college degree and honestly feel like there has been many times that I’ve been overlooked because of this fact. So I waited to see what the responses would be and I was pleasantly surprised by the comments from the ladies. Here are a few below and we’ll pick  back up after the last one

  1. “My best dates seem to be the ones with cool guys who don’t have a degree, Life has been their teacher and their heads aren’t big because they earned a piece of paper from some University” A. Yamoah
  2. “I have 2 degrees, my bf has 0. I’ve dated both in the past but mostly men with 2 degrees also. I personally would not exclude someone without a degree simply because they don’t have one. Your level of education has 0 indication of your personality and the quality of mate you will be in a relationship. Do you need to have a career? Yes, but you don’t necessarily need a degree to have a career and good job. It helps of course.” T. Renee
  3. “A college degree does not make a person. It doesn’t make you a better person nor does it make one less or more appealing, in my opinion. I dated a doctor once years ago. He was so hung up on money & material things. It was so unattractive. You just be YOU & the right one will come along. A silly piece of paper shouldn’t matter at all”. S. Hein
  4. “I’ve experienced both sides of “no degree dates” 1 who I was with long term who was kind, extremely intelligent and comfortable in his own skin so it made things flow and another who was so arrogant it made me uncomfortable. I used to really care about the degrees. I no longer do. I look at other qualities.” D. Ash
  5. “I am well educated and respect a man who puts in the same effort to be educated as there is a proven correlation between education and higher income. I respect a provider of the family and an educated man has a better chance of being able to provide. With that being said I dated entrepreneurs without a degree that provided even more than those with a degree.” G. Dobson
  6. “I have 2 degrees, working on a 3rd and I could care less about dating a guy with a degree. As long as he’s happy with what he does and he works to improve himself, it doesn’t matter about that piece of paper” S. Smith
  7. “I don’t have a degree, but I helped support my husband (boyfriend at the time) by working full-time so we could still earn a living and have a home – we’re paying off his student loans now, and his degree has nothing to do with the first “adult” job he was finally able to find, lol. I think as long as he/she works hard, is passionate, and gets the bills paid, that’s good enough for me. I will say, with no degree, I’m earning more…That’s always a joke at our house” E. Ritter
  8. “I could care less if he has a degree. As long as he has a good heart & is a good person, and is doing good in life either with a decent job or an entrepreneur. As long as he has enough money to enjoy life with me” M. Rodriguez

Astonishing! There might be hope for men and women yet (especially me). Either I know how to choose my friends wisely  or when 8 out of 10 women feel this way it must mean that more women are open to it as well. Understandably there were some debates about some of the comments (e.g. silly piece of paper) but every woman that commented believed that they do far better dating a man with great qualities over a great degree. Are you willing to date a guy with great pedigree over a great degree? Are you willing to take a chance on a man who doesn’t have the same level of education as yourself? Will you be willing to start dating against the image?

I’ve always believed that a person’s character and work ethic should take the #1 and #2 spots when listing character traits that are non physical in a partner. How someone treats you and how hard someone works can’t be measured by a graph, by a degree or by a survey. These two traits should be what you look for in a life partner first and let the rest fall into place or out of place. This isn’t to say that there aren’t good men out there with degrees because there clearly are but your chances of finding this man that not only has his degree but is also a great match for you is harder than ever.

And since none of us are getting any younger, I highly encourage the single women out there to give the man without a degree a chance for your love. A man without a degree doesn’t mean he is unintelligent, non-attractive, unable to dress and poor. It just means he likely didn’t have the same opportunities or the same desire to pursue the college degree and there is nothing wrong with that. What’s for one person isn’t always for another.  What someone else eats doesn’t make you use the bathroom. If you desire to increase your odds of  finding love  ladies then I think the next time you come across a brother who doesn’t have a degree but the highest pedigree that you take a chance on him. You just might find love!

When you understand that dating is a numbers game, meaning, the more people you place in front of you the better your chances of finding love is, then it also makes sense to expand your criteria in order to find love because now more guys are available for you. I know it’s not sexy to look at dating like that but it’s the cold hard facts ladies. I know many women who have found love in the last year or so who told me that the guy they are dating now and are happy with was not the type of guy they would have normally dated. These aren’t my words ladies, these are the words of your fellow sisters.

Single Ladies, what do you think? Tell me about your experiences with degree vs non-degree men and whether or not you’ll start dating the men who don’t have one.

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Categorised in: Authentic, Dating & Relationships, Spiritual Awareness

8 Responses »

  1. I guess one question I have as I read through this is why do we have to “settle” for a man with no degree because men are choosing not to get one? If men know that women are more educated (especially black women as we are the most educated group in the US) then why not step up and get the degree since it is still statistically proven to provide more income in a lifetime? Since men are “expected” to be a good provider this would certainly help that. Especially if they are or want to be a Father one day, being a good provider is crucial. So again, why not get a degree? Is there any particular reason black men (not all of course) are choosing not to get a degree despite its benefits?

    • Very interesting point and to some extent I hear what you are saying.. there is no need to settle… but why does NOT having a degree have to be settling? If the job or career path you desire doesn’t need one why would you… athletes? actors? Business owners? singers? writers? I personally would not be getting a PhD if I was not in the medical field where that is a requirement for what I am passionate about.

      Now I am not saying to date a guy sitting at home playing video games everyday… but great men capable of providing for a family, being a father lack “systemic education” but that doesn’t mean they lack knowledge…

      Does the degree make them a better father? lover? brother? friend?

    • Just to throw it out there.. Traditionally men would get Vocational degrees for trade skill jobs and succeed with a trade-school degree like that. These days you can’t get apprenticeships easily, but my explanation would question what you are ‘settling’ for in the first place. College degrees seem to cost a large sum of money, to be worth anything in the first place. Are we talking a Community College degree or an Ivy League school, or one of the thousands in-between? Many people get a degree and have to spend a career’s worth of work to ‘prove’ they can then get into the career they were educated for. (Notorious double-standard you can observe for yourself, many years of education still also require many years of work experience to ‘match the raised bar’. That or you become ‘over-qualified’.) To sum it up, degrees can help but some avoid -Debt- and some avoid squandering time and money. There is also the quagmire of having or owing tens of thousands of dollars you don’t have for a *prospective* good job and money to both pay the debt off and then garnish additional wealth… and the other side of the coin where if you are broke or have a poverty-family the government will pay for it, and many of those people drop out and can’t cut it in the first place.

  2. I think your article brings upon an interesting concept many of the women in my circle have faced. Myself and most of my friends have either Masters degrees, MDs, or PhDs. Taking all other attributes out: looks, spirituality, chivalry (or what is left of it in this day and age). etc… The question then for us usually is not does this man have a degree… but does this man have the dedication, focus, will power and aptitude to provide and succeed in whatever field he is in. I think, many people look at a degree and go yes I have made it…. he is a Lawyer or Doctor. To me, I cannot date you with an MD and you have no other goals or aspirations. You have no more push because you feel you have made it. A degree cannot create that… there are many educated men that have nothing else but a degree.. and they do not fit the mold.. anymore than a man without a degree lacking that same ambition. Now… the match up between a man with a degree and one without a degree but has that drive and focus… well then I will have to go back and think about all the other attributes I excluded earlier….

  3. Good post Jay and there are many good points in it. Experience plays a lot in our development in regard to relationships. I feel that you make success for yourself. Meaning, a person is successful in getting their degree but they may not receive much afterwards in relation to finding a good career. A person without a degree may have started their own business. Success is no based on income but in doing and achieving that which you set out to do. I do not have a degree but became a Lieutenant in the Fire Department and was about to make Captain. That came from hard work, dedication, and studying. A degree may not be what that person want at that time. But it in no way determines a person as successful or unsuccessful.

  4. Good post Jay and there are many good points in it. Experience plays a lot in our development in regard to relationships. I feel that you make success for yourself. Meaning, a person is successful in getting their degree but they may not receive much afterwards in relation to finding a good career. A person without a degree may have started their own business. Success is no based on income but in doing and achieving that which you set out to do. I do not have a degree but became a Lieutenant in the Fire Department and was about to make Captain. That came from hard work, dedication, and studying. A degree may not be what that person want at that time. But it in no way determines a person as successful or unsuccessful.

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