“There are many equations for a successful life but the only one that makes sense, is the one you create”
I awoke this morning with a word on my mind and even as I write these words I’m not sure why this word has been stuck in the cognitive quicksand that is my thoughts. I use the word quicksand because the more I try to remove it from my mind the deeper it sinks. When this happens in my life I tend to think about what the relation is to me. In my life when something seems constant or repetitive in my mind, body and spirit I look within instead out. Which is ironic because the word that materialized this morning is opposite of constant and it’s the word “variable” which means “not consistent or having a fixed pattern; liable to change”. So this constant thought/feeling has to be examined.
As I began to think about the word variable a quote came to me; “If the variables in your life don’t equate to the answer you seek then go back and change the variables or work on a new problem entirely until you understand how to solve the last one”. I find myself to be at a place in my life where I feel a major decision is about to happen with me because I’m not content with a few variables in my life. In these particular areas, what I’ve been doing does not seem to be working, does not seem to be adding up and even though I have peace in my life I feel that some of the goals I have for particular areas of my life are not coming to fruition as quickly as I would like based on the model I set forth.
Of course it’s important to remember that even the best laid plans can go awry in our lives and that we shouldn’t get discouraged by a little deviation from it. When we find ourselves to be in the middle of the plans we’ve made and realize that something is not adding up, it’s up to us to go back to the beginning to inspect the variables we ourselves inserted into the equation. It’s encouraged to reexamine with a new outcome in mind because believe me when I say that there is very little reason to go back to the beginning if we aren’t truly ready to change the said variables. Why go back to the drawing board if we aren’t ready to paint a new picture?
So as I examine my life and the variables I’ve placed in my life I can’t help but wonder if something needs to change. Do I need to change the people, my location or maybe even my spiritual practices? Or quite possibly, everything needs to stay as is for now. Everything in life changes, there seems to be very little that stays the same. Trends change, people change, weather changes, the universe changes, emotions change, tides change. Is it unrealistic to think that our variables won’t change as well? Isn’t that the point of variables? To be mutable, fluid, unpredictable, mercurial and fickle?
Lately I haven’t been finding time for the practices that will develop me spiritually and I need to get back on track with this. I’ve been distracted with other forms of entertainment; dating, socializing and yes, playing my playstation 4 to name a few. The biggest area of my life (outside of trying to get my book published)that I’ve been focusing on the last few months have been dating. I understand that it’s unrealistic for someone who has crossed over the thirty year old mark years ago to continue to pretend that they have all the time in the world to have a child. So I’ve been focusing on this because having at least one child is one area of my life that I do want to happen. In order for this to happen means that I need to find a woman whom I can see as my life partner.
Not an easy task when the variables you are dealing with are human beings. We are the most inconsistent variable that exist even though we are creatures of habit, sometimes habitually changing because we are unsure of ourselves. We are always searching for more but that more we are in search of will always be “Gone with the wind”. Easily blown away or just outside of our grasp because more is never enough. I have to remind myself of this because it’s easy to habitually chase the more but on the opposite end of that spectrum it’s also easy to accept the less; which is just as bad or even worse.
Sometimes we need to look at all “the more” we have planned for ourselves and make sure it still makes sense. We don’t want to get to the end of the equation and realize the variables changed without our knowledge. Adjustments are needed along the way always, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. When you look at your life, what variables do you feel have changed that no longer align with your plan? If it no longer aligns, is it worth your energy to keep it there? Are you confident enough in yourself to say “I use to want this or need this but no longer”. Are you capable of deconstructing variables that you did not change but changed nonetheless? It seems like an easy answer but in truth doing so is not an easy task. Sometimes we continue to chase what can’t be caught, like a dog chasing it’s own tail.
I think about the people who came before me and are still living and I can’t help but wonder if they wish they had done some things differently before they got to the point of no return. I can’t help but wonder if they stopped paying attention to the plan or if they simply said “I’m okay with where I am”. Which is not necessarily a bad thing as we often like to believe. At some point you have to become satisfied with where your life is or you will die still chasing something and will miss out on all the beautiful things that happen in this life experience. You, like me, will have to make a decision eventually to stick to the plan or change it.
It’s true what Margaret Mitchell said in the movie Gone with the wind, she said “Life’s under no obligation to give us what we expect. We take what we get and are thankful it’s no worse than it is.” In hindsight, I guess that’s the biggest variable of all that there is…..life. It can throw you a curveball, can give you sour grapes, can give you lemons that you never knew how to hit, how to squash or how to squeeze but what I just remembered as I typed that is that we can learn on the fly. So even though all these variables are forever changing, it should never be able to throw us off completely.
We know the variables that currently exist in our life and we know the equation that we have set forth for our life. It’s up to us re-examine the equation(s) and to always solve for x. Many will tell you that the x factor will always be ourselves but isn’t it common knowledge that we will always be part of any equation in our lives? We will always be the every changing constant variable but x should never subtract from you but instead always add to you. The lady that I’m with will have to add to my life and me to her’s, as I continue to keep my eyes on the different areas of my life that seem to be shifting I will continue to make sure I’m not over thinking it; after all, when in doubt? Go with your first answer.
x + You=Peace