Dating & Relationships

Dating Jay:The Bonafide Top 40 Things…hehehe

Ah yes, getting to know someone in the beginning of the dating phase can be either very exciting, extremely dull, extremely scary or combination of all three. God be with you if you come across the person who fits the mold of all three. If I had one suggestion for you if you find yourself face to face with the devil’s equal, it would be to RUN! Run far away in the other direction my friend. Trust me, I met that person once and it was the best and worse situation at the same damn time! oh, the torture. Needless to say I spent way too much energy trying to understand exactly who it was I was trying to get to know. THE DEVIL IS A

I like to consider myself a different type of breed of man, cut from a different cloth I’d say. But don’t we all? I mean, if you don’t consider yourself different then I have one word for you….lame. lol. And I don’t date lames, do you? But back to me because this post is about me and all my pure awesomeness…that’s a joke…kinda….not really…

For serious (not trying to be grammatically correct here), I’m a firm believer in being who you know you are, win, lose or draw from the very jump. Don’t get me wrong, I understand we all put our very best foot forward, best face on (ladies) and suck it in a little more(and release) in the beginning but how frustrating is it to spend three months getting to know someone only to realize that the person you’ve been seeing, talking on the phone with and if you’re lucky, having hot passionate sex  with(love making for you hopeless romantics) is not the person you thought they were.  At this point you have to make a decision between do I continue to stay or do I get the heck out of dodge? Are there more pro’s than con’s and vice versa.

A little bit of truth right here, it’s easier to find more reason’s not to be with someone than it is to find reason’s to be with someone. We all probably self sabotage just a little bit for various reason’s. I’m personally working on not self sabotaging a perfectly imperfect situation but damn if it isn’t a little hard not to. I mean, I’ve been single for three and half years man! If I’m going to get in a relationship I feel like I need her to be freakin marvelous! Jokes to the side, we have to do better and I’m working on this, because you do have to have a different mentality when you become exclusive with someone.

So back to being yourself win or lose. This is what I do because I understand that everyone is not going to like me, so why should I perpetrate something that I am not? Why should you try to be something that you aren’t? If you know you aren’t conservative, then why should you sit across the table acting like you are? The best thing that can happen in the dating scene is if everyone quits acting like something they aren’t.

I’ve decided in the spur of the moment(normally ends bad) that all of you should know exactly the type of man I am. If you are thinking about dating me, these are important things to know about me. I call these

The Win or Lose Top 40: (This is going to be trouble)

  1. I’m a little shy at first (It’s true, you better give me some eye contact and body loving)
  2. I’m in touch with my emotional side (no shame in my game, if you don’t like it…welll I might start crying..j/k)
  3. I’m not in touch with my emotional side (lol.. unless I like you A LOT)
  4. I pursue based on your actions (meaning if you don’t show me you’re interested…DEUCES)
  5. I love hard (not crazy and stalkerish hard though like some of you)
  6. I don’t try to read  minds (tell me what you want otherwise I’m keeping it moving)
  7. I am often quiet (not to be confused with not interested or boring but I might be)
  8. I’m a homebody (not to be confused with ANTISOCIAL..some of ya’ll are doing the least!..smh)
  9. There will come moments when I need to be around myself even if I’m doing nothing with myself (one to many myselfs there..)
  10. Physical Touch is my love language (meaning, lay across me when we are on the couch or there is going to be trouble)
  11. I  don’t play games but I do play my Playstation 4 (If you don’t like it..welllll just don’t come over)
  12. I don’t like women who talk about themselves ALL THE TIME (come to think of it, I don’t like people who do
  13. I like to wear flip flops ALL THE TIME (you know you a real man when you break necks in those)
  14. I like sex (but not as much as Eric Benet)
  15. Probably won’t take you serious if you don’t take care of your body (some call that shallow I call that REALITY)
  16. My bedroom is normally a mess
  17. So is my closet (just thought you should know in case you were expecting Mr. Tidy)
  18. I am not aggressive in my pursuit
  19. I’m non-nonchalant (for example…get a flat tire? eh…I felt like walking anyway)
  20. I’m teachable (If it makes sense..especially if the woman is in a teachers costume)
  21. I like women who can laugh at themselves (or at me…whichever happens first or most often)
  22. I believe less is more when it comes to materialistic things (oh……and kids)
  23. I don’t get overly excited nor do I get deeply sadden
  24. I like porn (yep, even watched a midget one once…what? You haven’t? So interesting)
  25. I’m a deep thinker…I mean SEVERELY deep thinker (like, how did that midget…nevermind)
  26. I often stare off into nothing at all (or am I ?)
  27. I have a lot of women friends (probably 10-1..I made this ratio up so I wouldn’t trust it)
  28. Treat my lady like a Queen (TRUST THAT)
  29. I have a few feminine qualities (shave my arms, armpits and even my legs from time to time..I HATE HAIR..get over it and appreciate the similar smoothness of a baby’s butt )
  30. I’m a little metro sexual (saying this after the word butt, likely not a good thing but where is the harm in looking good?)
  31. I like looking good (but not better than my lady)
  32. I’m extremely loyal (just not ride or die…that ish is for the birds….and the dead)
  33. You can have a flat chest just not a flat chest AND a flat ass (no Buenos)
  34. I curse more during sex than any other time (but…..that’s really not my fault)
  35. My sister’s will beat you up if you do me wrong (maybe not but they will talk BADDD about
  36. I analyze people’s actions against their words (if doesn’t add up, I’m probably turned off)
  37. I sometimes think I’m not good enough (but then I listen to Aloe Blacc’s song and realize I”M THE MAN I”M THE MAN I”M THE MAN)
  38. I don’t believe opposites attract (I mean I’ve never been attracted to anyone who was ugly…ooooh)
  39. I think people are confused (and by people I mean women) I’m just not really
  40. I’m extremely optimistic and Positive

So there it is ladies and gentlemen! The top 40 things you should know about me if you are dating me, thinking about dating me or wondering why we  stopped dating. If it’s the latter then chances are something or MANY THINGS in this top 40 list you were just against or I was against but win or lose this is who I am in a nutshell. Transparency is always for the best in life. Be authentic all the time and be who you are without being ashamed of it.

Isn’t it hard enough work trying to stay true to who we are? I met a woman once and on the date she told me how she loves to communicate and I said “great, nothing worse that someone who can’t communicate, except the person who think they communicate but actually don’t”. So I did #36 (wouldn’t it have been funny if I said I did #2) and I waited. Want to know what her way of loving to communicate was? Via text message…everything, entire conversations including disagreements. So I was no longer #40 but felt like I needed a 40 and decided it was time to exit stage left due to the false advertising.

The point of all this that I wrote  for you is  1) We can’t always be serious in life, laugh more. 2) You have to know yourself, even the parts of you that you don’t quite like or understand but accept 3). Let people see the real you from the very beginning. Let them decide whether or not they want to invest in the real you and not a fake you.

I’m curious, what are the top 40 things about you that people should know? And if you’re telling me that you don’t know 40 things about yourself, then you my friend don’t even know you and that’s scary and you should probably take yourself out of the dating pool……ain’t nobody got time for that. 🙂

*In my Kevin Hart voice* :nooooooo they weren’t ready







  1. Well nothing wrong with throwing it all out there and seeing what happens. 🙂 Love that this is a list of things for someone who may be thinking about dating you. I will keep an eye out for part II on the 40 things you want in a woman.

  2. I don’t understand the point of lying or hiding your true colors, it’s a waste of everyone’s time. With me you know what you’re getting because I’m honest from the start; I tell guys from the start I can’t cook, if you’re looking for Suzy Homemaker, keep it moving, but I can spot you in the gym! I’m sure I have a list of at least 40 things, but a lot of them are what you wrote down [except I have never seen midget porn, so now you have me curious….], I may be the white, female version of you

    1. I dont understand it either. Eventually the real you will be revealed. Why waste each others time? The only purpose it serves is frustration. Glad you can spot though! The midget porn was very interesting…lol

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