Where Growth Happens

When Loneliness Strikes

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.” 
― Mother Teresa

Two nights ago I was laying across my couch watching an episode of suits when I began feeling slightly lonely. I would like to tell you that I was a bit surprised by this “feeling” because I hadn’t felt that way in at least two and half years but I’ve been feeling “not like myself” the last few weeks. So to tell you I was surprised would be to lie to you, which I refuse to do. You see, lately I’ve felt the need to be a recluse more than normal but I’ve fought against it because I know that a solitary lifestyle is a sure-fire way to lead a person down the road to depression.

I’ve been depressed before and I can tell you that if Hell does exist then being depressed must be what Hell is. Depression is truly the (d)evil and I’m thankful that I was able to bring myself out of it when I was roughly twenty-two years old. Fighting loneliness is a delicate balance  for someone who is a loner like myself. Early  in my adult life I considered myself to be an introvert and then later on I began to think I was an extrovert because I do enjoy being around people E.g. friends, family. The struggle that I found is that I get high on my energy as well as those who are stimulating. I’ve found that I am a ambivert, which basically means “middle of the road” personality trait.

So last night when I began to feel lonely I had to evaluate why I was feeling this way. Was I feeling this way because I wasn’t around people or was it because I’ve been single for far too long (in my opinion) and was missing the touch of a woman in my life? It was the only two things that it could have been for me. I decided that it was the latter because the scene that was being acted on the show “Suits” involved a romantic relationship in which the couple had just gone through a major struggle together and were crying together and blah blah blah, you get the point.

As quick as that feeling came in to my spirit, the feeling went away. It was only for moment in time but it was there, I felt it. When you feel something that’s normally foreign to your being it is always best to acknowledge it instead of ignoring it. Acknowledge it and let it go has always been the best motto for me and it’s what I encourage all of my friends and family to do.

 I was able to not let it consume me and I know how to not dwell on emotions and feelings when they show themselves in my life. But it got me to thinking about how many other beautiful people out there like yourself might not know how to do such a thing. Truth is, most people mask their loneliness in ways that prevent anyone from being able to see that they are hurting.

Another truth is that loneliness will strike you at some point in your life. It is bound to happen and it is bound to happen more than a few times in your life span. There is a misconception that exist that loneliness strikes the single people only. People like myself who do not currently have a significant other, but that’s not true. Loneliness effects couples as well. It effects teenagers to adults in their 70’s and up. It is not isolated to single people.

Statistics show that one in ten people suffer from Chronic loneliness and even more from basic loneliness which is a “temporary condition”, much like the feeling that I felt the other day, maybe how you are feeling right now. Many people may not even be aware that they are lonely, masking the feeling with “just a phase”. But what too many people are ignoring is that loneliness is a “state of mind”. It’s a mental issue that has the ability to consume people, that then makes them isolate themselves.

Loneliness comes from many things but most often it stems from not “feeling or being connected” On my Facebook page the other day I made this statement, “Social media has become an extension of what’s going on in our lives. We post what makes us laugh, what we’re eating, doing and thinking. We talk about what is going on in our lives mainly because we don’t do enough expressing and talking in our personal lives. We work, we workout, we do our routines but we’re missing the human connection but accepting it as is. We judge people who are reaching out and expressing themselves on social media, sometimes blocking them when instead a phone call is what may be needed. But because we are disconnected we simply do nothing except like this or like that. We are losing the art of human connection”

Little did I understand that this lack of connection between us is more than likely causing all of us to feel lonely even more! This article http://www.bbc.com/news/magazine-22012957 begs the question “Is modern life making us lonely”

If you’re feeling lonely in your life right now I encourage you start doing activities that get you active and around other people. Disconnect from social media and reconnect with human’s and yes even force yourself to do what feels uncomfortable to you. Isolation of self in a continuing pattern will lead you to depression.  How do you know that you are lonely right now?  There are signs

  • A feeling of having no common bond with the people around you
  • Feeling disconnected from others
  • Feeling sad because there is no one else available to be with you
  • Feeling uncomfortable being by yourself
  • Feeling that there is no one in your life who really cares about you
  • Being without friends or a companion
  • Feeling like you don’t have anyone who wants to be with you
  • Feeling abandoned
  • Being unable to connect with anyone on either a physical or emotional level
  • Feeling left out
  • Being alone and not comfortable being with yourself

Effects of loneliness

  • Loneliness decreases a person’s immunity due to the negative feelings harbored within and also due to irregular exercising.
  • Loneliness increases heart attacks and strokes, increases stress, and is associated with depression and suicide.
  • Loneliness leads to anti-social behavior and may coexist with schizoid personality.
  • Loneliness increases the incidence of alcoholism, causes altered brain function, decreases learning and memory power and results in poor decision making abilities.
  • The inability to sleep

As an inspiring Spiritual coach I always encourage those who may be feeling a particular way about their feelings to always acknowledge it and evaluate it but not to over analyze it. Admitting it and coming up with a plan of attack is what is often typically needed to move from the feeling of loneliness and/or depression. The loneliness that you may be feeling right now can come from many different area’s of your life but it typically get’s it’s root cause from a break up, a death in the family, loss of a job, isolation from family(long distance), disappointment in others to just name a few.

The bottom line is that something ELSE needs to change in your life. When I was depressed it stemmed from lack of money, no friends and no significant other in my life. When I felt lonely the other day it stemmed from not having a significant other in my life. I knew this back then and know this now and I instituted a plan of attack back then and now that will change my situation.

What are you going to do? Are you going to continue to ignore your feelings? Are you going to ignore what your spirit is telling you to change? Always remember that you have a choice in how you feel,  what you think and especially in what you do. Understanding that loneliness is a state of mind means that you have complete control over it (in most cases). You don’t have to be lonely, you just need to figure out why you feel the way you feel and what your options are.

Happiness and complete peace can not live in unison of loneliness. If you are like me and know that the feeling that is inside of you stems from the lack of a significant relationship in your life, you have to figure out what it is that you can change in your dating expectations. You have to figure out if the issue is others or yourself. Is the lack of, because there aren’t any good people out there or is it because we have set unrealistic expectations? Only one person can answer the question as to why it doesn’t exist and that person is yourself.

What I do that I’ve found that helps me in all areas of my life is to respect when my spirit is telling me what it needs. When I feel like I need to be alone, I do me. I get my “me time” in. Respect how you feel and do the things your spirit is communicating to you. But, and this is a big but (who doesn’t like those), know the difference between your spirit and your mind. A feeling that comes from within yourself that never goes away is from your spirit. If you find yourself saying things like, “I just feel tired”, “I just feel lonely”, “I just feel like I need a change”. See the key word there? “Feel”.

What you feel will never lead you down the wrong road. If you find yourself saying “I think this”, “I think that” it’s coming from within your ego, from your thoughts. Both need to be evaluated and respected but only “thinking” is what often leads us wrong. What we think isn’t necessarily always true, especially if we don’t have all the facts. Because loneliness is typically always a “state of the mind” we should always get the facts right because if we believe in something fully we will often transform that thought into reality. And as we all know, a person’s perspective is always their reality.

So if loneliness has shown up in your life, know that you aren’t alone out there. Know that there is someone out there just like yourself that is waiting for you to connect with them.  Know that someone will take your hand if you reach out to them. Know that if you place yourself among other positive living people they will help uplift you out the struggle you are in mentally. No one can bring you out of a certain state, you have to do your part as well.

I speak from experience my friends. I would never tell you a lie or encourage you to do something that will do harm to you. Together, you and I will continue to progress forward towards our ultimate goal of complete peace in our lives. So for whatever reason you’re  currently feeling lonely, focus on the thought that isolation is not the key. Remember that doing similar actions from your past over again may have been what’s lead you down this current path.

That’s all for now friends, remember that The Universe loves you, that God loves you and that I love you, the only question is do you love you? And if you do…….Acknowledge, evaluate and change.

 “The purpose of life is the expansion of happiness.”
― Deepak Chopra

*Please forgive error’s and typo’s. I will finish the final edits soon.

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Categorised in: Authentic, Reflection

3 Responses »

  1. We certainly have changed as a society and being lonely can creep up on any of us. I am sure most of us have felt this on a regular basis with the new form of social media keeping us from really being a part of anything real. Its great you recognize your own loneliness and where it stems from and I hope you are able to find what you are looking for. Ultimately knowing is only half the battle and making the necessary changes to enhance our lives is vital. Great post. Thanks!

  2. I am surprised because you have so many people to connect with, which of course isn’t the solution. I’ve definitely been there, even when I am not alone! I think it helps me to express myself through writing OR pick up the phone as you stated in your post the other day. Having the right kind of people in my circle is huge for me. Thank you for sharing honestly and openly – love it.

  3. I had been meaning to read this one for quite some time. I can relate to this on so many levels. Another interesting read.

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