Where Growth Happens

Sexual Frustration: The Exploitations and Limitations Regarding Our Natural Action

In Greek Mythology there was Aphrodite and her retinue that included  Anteros, Eros, Himeros, Hedylogos, Hymen and Pothos, also known as “The Erotes”. They were winged Gods associated with love and sex. In Hindu mythology it was Kamadeva and Rati. In Roman mythology it was Venus, Cupid and Suadela. In Aztec mythology there was Xochiquetzal, Xochipilli, Tiazolteotl and in Egyptian mythology Bes, Hathor and Bastet. All of these that I have named were all sexual God’s and Goddess or were in charge of certain sexual characteristics.

Sex and sexuality has been around for a very long time, I’m talking centuries, I’m talking before your momma and grandmomma. I’m talking before we could tell time. During these ancient times, sexuality was to be explored, appreciated and done in plentiful. We have always been sexual beings as well as spiritual beings and they were tied together for a reason. That reason being is that sex and love are two of the things that come natural to us. Our ancient ancestors did not believe in setting limitations around our sexual acts for they knew that it wasn’t sinful, but instead a blessing. Even women were encouraged to be as sexual as men without judgement, there was not a double standard back then that exists today.

Fast forward to present time, I met a woman the other day who was a thirty-eight year old virgin. When I asked her about her reason’s for remaining a virgin, she stated to me that it was a “sin” to have sex outside of marriage and that God looked down upon such acts. I asked her a few questions. Do you have urges? Do you not desire it? What if you never get married, shall you never experience sex? Her answers were yes, yes, she has urges, yes, she does desire it and yes she will likely die a virgin if she doesn’t marry.

Religion, specifically Christianity was formed in 33 CE. It developed out of Judaism in the 1st century C.E. long after the aforementioned Religions and Mythology’s. Formed by a new type of “conscious man” if you will and instituted a new set of rules and limitations for many things, sexual acts being one of the items that was drastically changed. 1 Corinthians 6:18- “Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body.”

I remember my own struggles with sex and sexuality when I was a young(ER) man and deeply involved in church. As many of you know I grew up in Christianity and for a while, I too was waiting until I was married to have sex. I could personally relate to this woman because I had been walking a similar path. After getting angry at God around the age of eighteen to twenty I decided to have sex. My urges and desires were more real than God. As I got back involved with the church I spent the next three to four years beating myself up about how much I enjoyed sex. I was a very conflicted young man so much so that I even found myself questioning my sexuality because I was unable to perform with women due to the guilt I had associated with sex and my religious lifestyle. At times I thought maybe I’m gay? Even though I didn’t find men to be attractive but found myself trying to find other ways to stay aroused.

My confidence was shot, my sexual appetite was close to exploding and I was failing miserably at relationships. The church telling me to have faith that God will bring out of my lust and that I just need to hold on was not good enough. I turned to Jesus and read my bible even more (what else could I do), probably like many of you, probably like this young woman I had just met. What I read though was not bad mouthing the sexual act. In fact, there wasn’t much said from Jesus about sex. And according to the gospels I read, Jesus only spoke of marriage, divorce and lust in reference to sex. Not that sex alone was wrong or a sinful act. I was torn and it was another reason I felt I was  living the wrong lifestyle for me.

In my research I came to understand that the Church (governed by men) were exploiting the people against their natural desire. And in many cases not following the very rules and laws that those before them had set. Even in present day, Pastors, bishops, cardinals and priest are “sinning” according to what they preach, but hey, we’re all human. However, the church knew that if they could control certain elements within our lives, that they would always be able to keep the people in check and therefore in the Church and if the people stayed in the church it meant that business would be good.

I learned that sex between  human beings was not something that man created. It is something that God created so that we could reproduce. God created the perfect alignment of sexual parts so that we could populate the world. The sexual explosion(climax) was created to be joyful, to be a celebrated experience, to be two bodies becoming one (the ultimate goal of our spirits after death, to become one with God).It is a natural act between two people. “We are Gods on Earth”, we are becoming one during the act. Why would something so beautifully created by God have so many limitations surrounding it?

Sexual frustration is real. It’s real for many reasons but no greater reason than people setting limitations on their sex life based on a rule written by man. The main defense that you get from people who don’t have sex outside of marriage, or outside of a committed relationship typically stems from the rules written in religious doctrines. I believe that people shouldn’t be sexually promiscuous in a committed relationship an I believe that people shouldn’t be sexually irresponsible for many reason’s, especially this day and age with the sexual transmitted diseases that exist.

I enjoy sex now which was not always the case and I enjoy sex without any limitations (unless it’s a turnoff for me). We all should be enjoying sex without limitations, without judgement from others. Women and men need to explore their sexual desires and needs without judgement from you or me. Our lives are about experiencing as much as we possibly can and that young woman may die never experiencing one of  human’s greatest experiences.

I will agree and state that it is true that sex is not always enjoyable for some people but I would argue that has more to do with their own psychology, views and past experiences more so than the act itself.  I didn’t particularly enjoy sex when I began having sex because I had so many limitations and expectations from it which caused me to be BAD at sex. Throw in the fact that society has convinced men that every man has to be ten inches or longer and the anxiety is forever real.

As a spiritual being, I understand and respect the rules that we as people have put in place to protect ourselves against certain things that come along with sex. But it is not the act of sex that is bad, it is the actions of men and women prior to sex and after sex that is un-loving. It is in the poor communication of intentions before and after that causes the conflictions in the sexual relations. The lying, the deceitfulness that makes people feel like they must place limitations on their sex life.

It is unnatural to not have sex. It is unnatural to force ourselves to not want to engage in the process of connecting. Don’t allow someone else to keep you from your sexual bliss. Go out and enjoy what comes natural for you and I. You are not going to hell and you definitely aren’t going for something that is natural for you.  You should do what feels right for you, not what feels wrong to you and makes you question whether or not you should be doing it.

We can’t question our ancestors like the Aztecs and Egyptians personally because those particular ancestors are no longer living but they left their lifestyles (no pun intended) for us to know about. They weren’t ashamed of their sexual desires and fantasies, if they were, they wouldn’t have created Gods and Goddess reflecting them, they wouldn’t have written about them on walls or wrote them down in their records.

That young woman may be perfectly fine with the lifestyle she is choosing to experience, she is the only one that can speak on the happiness that she is experiencing or not experiencing. But I know there were and are many people out there that feel like and felt like me and I’m here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be the way you are feeling. You don’t have to feel guilty about your sexual needs and desires. It is part of who we are, that is why sex sells. Not because of good marketing but because it is something that we all desire and need.

When we stop letting other people profit from our lack of understanding (exploit) we will take back the power that exist in us. When we stop letting other people set limitations on our lives we will experience more. When we stop setting limitations on ourselves in general we will be fully functioning as spiritual beings experiencing a human life.

I literally use to think I was going to hell because I enjoyed orally pleasing women. I use to pray to God that he would forgive me for my sins of flesh. I even use to ask God to take away these desires so that I could be what he wanted. But guess what? They never went away. Was God ignoring my prayers? Was God not there? Or was God giving me my answer? Did God’s silence mean that I could make my own decision? Or was God’s action of not taking it away my answer as to keep experiencing?

I had to find that answer for myself. I couldn’t go by what man had written in the bible. And I found that out that my sexual wants, needs and desires are part of what makes me human. I found that I didn’t have to be sexually frustrated but instead experiencing sexual bliss. I enjoy the woman’s body. Every part of it and i say that without shame, I enjoy the act of having sex and allowing my body to become one with another.  It is part of who I and maybe it’s not part of who you are but maybe it truly is.

I understand that you have your rules, regulations and beliefs in regards to your sexual energy. All that I’m asking is that you understand from which these rules, regulations and limitations originate. It was not the devil and it was not from God, it was from man and from you believing in man. I don’t make this up friends, this knowledge is out there for you to find and understand for yourself. If you so choose to break free from the bondage of sexual exploitation all that I ask is that you always respect your partner, always please your partner and always be safe with your partner.

If you so choose to continue down the opposite path, all that I ask is that you do the same when you finally do…..

 

 

*please disregard any errors or typos.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Categorised in: Dating & Relationships, WTF Moments

4 Responses »

  1. I remember the first time I had sex at 18 I thought I was going to instantly go to hell for enjoying sex with my boyfriend of 2 years. I loved him but had been taught that I would be punished if I had sex before marriage. After I woke up the next morning I was relieved to see I was still alive and at that moment I began to shed the misinformation I had been taught that didn’t fall in line with what made sense. Now I enjoy a healthy sexual relationship and I dont feel guilty that the man I am sexual with is not my husband. One day I will only be with my husband but until then I will enjoy my sexual experiences without ever feeling guilty.

  2. Very true. Many people do not take the time to analyze who they really are and what they really want which is why they get stuck following the steps they were taught as children blindly. Its good to see people like you who have grown as a person and shed off those young teachings.

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