Where Growth Happens

Transformation: How I Became The Person People Like

Trans.for.ma.tion: A thorough and dramatic change in form or appearance

I remember vividly when it began. I was twenty two years old and I was angry at the world. I was sitting on the “stoop” in the middle of summer pondering life with two guys I had recently befriended in the apartment complex. One guy was married with a kid and was in and out of jail living on the hope of a pending lawsuit that would give him the money he needed to get on his feet. The other guy was single like myself, had a decent job but had been spoon fed by his parents and didn’t appreciate the job and car he had. They both were heavy marijuana users and were enjoying a blunt in that moment.

As we sat there, talking about women (ignorantly we called them bitches), money and the world, I understood that something was wrong in my life. I looked at my two friends and wondered why I didn’t have more. More money, more friends, more positive things in my life. It seemed that all we talked about were the same things and it seemed like all we did were the same things. I was still working at Pizza Hut and sometimes(more often than naught) having to walk miles to work in the rain. I was not happy, in fact I was miserable because I knew it had to be more and I knew that these two guys I were calling friends were not people I could count on, nor was I someone they could count on.

That is when “a thorough and dramatic change in form” began in my life. I can’t state without a shadow of a doubt that from that moment on I immediately started to be a better person. But what I will tell you, is that within a few months I had started a new job where the “friend” who had a good was working(I wanted what he had) and I had my own reliable car. Still, I didn’t feel like people wanted to be around me, I didn’t have friends, people didn’t necessarily like me. No one came to me for help, no one came to me for a lending ear or to cry on my shoulder. I wanted to be that person because I knew that I didn’t have that in my life and understood the importance of it.

I wanted to be that person. The helper. The following year I picked up a book that I was told to check out by someone who I now don’t remember but the book changed my perspective. You could say it’s the first self-help book that I read (other than the bible). The book was “Who Moved My Cheese” By  Dr. Spencer Johnson. There was one fundamental question asked in the book that really changed my perspective. The question was, what type of person are you? Are you the type of person people come to or stay away from?

As I evaluated my life, I understood that I was the latter and that bothered me. We will never become better in life situations until we admit that we no longer want to be who we currently are or be where we currently are. I understood that I needed to change again, I understood that I needed yet another transformation from who I was. I changed my perspective of life. I decided to be more positive than negative. I decided to smile more than frown. I decided to build people up instead of destroying and while I lost two guy friends in the midst of that changed, I eventually gained many more.

I decided that I would start putting good energy out in to the world, in hopes that it would be returned. What I now know is that we should never do anything for the universe or people expecting something in return. Do because it is who we are not because of what it may bring. I also started placing myself around people who were uplifting. Since I didn’t have anyone in my life (other than my mom) who was uplifting I turned to church. It helped me tremendously and because there was great leadership in the pulpit I became a better human being and it showed.

Before I knew it, I was in full transformation mode and people liked me. Everyone that I came across instantly felt a connection with me. They wanted to be around me more and I wanted them to be around me. I continued to build upon my connection with people by getting back to basic human needs. Love. respect and acceptance. We all want love, we all want respect and we all want to be accepted for who we are and who we are trying to be. I combine my positive energy, and life knowledge(experiences, self evaluation and books) with love, respect and acceptance.

No one wants to be around someone who is negative and judgmental. There are no judges. If you look around, not even God is judging us. God is allowing us to live our lives. The moment you accept this fact, the more free you will be in allowing yourself to experience more in this life time. Perhaps even experiencing more with more positive people around you.

People love to be around me. Blacks,whites,Asian, older, younger and that excites me. Because I know the person I use to be who had no one but two guys who sat on the stoop smoking blunts and talking about women. While I am thankful for that moment they spent in my life, I am more thankful for the moment of clarity. We all can be better people if we so desire it. You don’t have to be lonely, you don’t have to be broke, you don’t have to be stuck in the house, you don’t have to be a person that people run away from. You just have to decide that it’s time for you to transform and to accept the change that needs to happen. If a ugly larva fought the change it naturally needs to become, it would die as is and never get to fly like a beautiful butterfly.

Some of my closest friends always ask me, “what is it about you that makes people like you?’ All I do is smile and say “people can feel good energy and want to be around it” I don’t write any of this to toot my own horn. I write this to show others that we don’t have to be anything that we don’t want to be. We are not labels. I speak from first hand experience. I leave you with the story that “who moved my cheese” provides in the book.  The cheese symbolizes “change”. Maybe it will help you as it helped me….Good day and know that I love you, respect you and accept you.

*******

two mice, “Sniff” and “Scurry,” and two little people, miniature humans in essence, “Hem” and “Haw.” They live in a maze, a representation of one’s environment, and look for cheese, representative of happiness and success. Initially without cheese, each group, the mice and humans, paired off and traveled the lengthy corridors searching for cheese. One day both groups happen upon a cheese-filled corridor at “Cheese Station C”. Content with their find, the humans establish routines around their daily intake of cheese, slowly becoming arrogant in the process.

One day Sniff and Scurry arrive at Cheese Station C to find no cheese left, but they are not surprised. Noticing the cheese supply dwindling, they have mentally prepared beforehand for the arduous but inevitable task of finding more cheese. Leaving Cheese Station C behind, they begin their hunt for new cheese together. Later that day, Hem and Haw arrive at Cheese Station C only to find the same thing, no cheese. Angered and annoyed, Hem demands, “Who moved my cheese?” The humans have counted on the cheese supply to be constant, and so are unprepared for this eventuality. After deciding that the cheese is indeed gone they get angry at the unfairness of the situation and both go home starved. Returning the next day, Hem and Haw find the same cheeseless place. Starting to realize the situation at hand, Haw thinks of a search for new cheese. But Hem is dead set in his victimized mindset and dismisses the proposal.

Meanwhile, Sniff and Scurry have found “Cheese Station N”, new cheese. Back at Cheese Station C, Hem and Haw are affected by their lack of cheese and blame each other for their problem. Hoping to change, Haw again proposes a search for new cheese. However, Hem is comforted by his old routine and is frightened about the unknown. He knocks the idea again. After a while of being in denial, the humans remain without cheese. One day, having discovered his debilitating fears, Haw begins to chuckle at the situation and stops taking himself so seriously. Realizing he should simply move on, Haw enters the maze, but not before chiseling “If You Do Not Change, You Can Become Extinct” on the wall of Cheese Station C for his friend to ponder.

Still fearful of his trek, Haw jots “What Would You Do If You Weren’t Afraid?” on the wall and, after thinking about that, he begins his venture. Still plagued with worry (perhaps he has waited too long to begin his search…), Haw finds some bits of cheese that nourishes him and he is able to continue his search. Haw realizes that the cheese has not suddenly vanished, but has dwindled from continual eating. After a stop at an empty cheese station, Haw begins worrying about the unknown again. Brushing aside his fears, Haw’s new mindset allows him to again enjoy life. He has even begun to smile again! He is realizing that “When you move beyond your fear, you feel free.” After another empty cheese station, Haw decides to go back for Hem with the few bits of new cheese he has managed to find.

Uncompromising, Hem refuses the new cheese, to his friend’s disappointment. With knowledge learned along the way, Haw heads back into the maze. Getting deeper into the maze, inspired by bits of new cheese here and there, Haw leaves a trail of writings on the wall (“The Handwriting On the Wall”). These clarify his own thinking and give him hope that his friend will find aid in them during his search for new cheese. Still traveling, Haw one day comes across Cheese Station N, abundant with cheese, including some varieties that are strange to him, and he realizes he has found what he is looking for. After eating, Haw reflects on his experience. He ponders a return to see his old friend. But Haw decides to let Hem find his own way. Finding the largest wall in Cheese Station N, he writes:

Change Happens
They Keep Moving The Cheese
Anticipate Change
Get Ready For The Cheese To Move
Monitor Change
Smell The Cheese Often So You Know When It Is Getting Old
Adapt To Change Quickly
The Quicker You Let Go Of Old Cheese, The Sooner You Can Enjoy New Cheese
Change
Move With The Cheese
Enjoy Change!
Savor The Adventure And Enjoy The Taste Of New Cheese!
Be Ready To Change Quickly And Enjoy It Again
They Keep Moving The Cheese.

Cautious from past experience, Haw now inspects Cheese Station N daily and explores different parts of the maze regularly to prevent any complacency from setting in

Categorised in: Spiritual Awareness, The Journey

2 Responses »

  1. I recently read a post by someone with not many friends (like me). He’s not negative. I think he’s just more aware of the inner reality, more self-aware. It’s hard for people like that (like me) because they are outnumbered.

    • I don’t think all people who don’t have many friends are negative. In my case I had a more negative outlook on life than positive so I can only speak from my perspective and to what I felt needed to be changed in my life. I’ve always had a desire to be around people. So to not be around good energy people was to go against what was naturally me.

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