There will be moments in our lives where we find ourselves in certain situations that we truly never expected ourselves to be. Some of these moments are exciting and some of them aren’t quite fulfilling. The unfullfilling moments don’t necessarily have to be bad moments they just simply make you realize that you may be in a situation that you don’t want to be in and will require you to make a decision to get out of that situation eventually.
But what do you do when you find yourself in a moment in your life where you neither want to be in that moment but okay being in that moment? This is the conundrum that I currently find myself to be experiencing. In a moment that is both fulfilling and unfulfilling. Fulfilling because it feels peaceful and unfulfilling because the timing isn’t right. What is even more interesting is the FACT that I am not unhappy about it, but instead at peace with it. You see, I’m in love with a woman who more than likely is not in love with me which typically would be a problem not only for me, but anyone, but I don’t find myself NEEDING to be with her. I would have never thought that someone could be in love with someone and not need to be with them in a relationship. But as I am now experiencing in this moment in my life I am understanding that it’s possible.
Admitting that I’m in love with someone is not easy for me and it took some self evaluating of the situation, of myself and of my thoughts and/or actions that possibly led me to this conclusion. I kept asking myself “are you sure” and “why”. And I kept asking myself, how can you be in love with someone and be okay NOT being with them? Furthermore, not only okay not being with them, but being okay seriously dating other people with the intention of truly loving them as well? But yet here I am, living proof that it is possible.
Some will say that it’s not love that I’m experiencing in this moment. But what is being in love? Is it constantly thinking about that person? Is it constantly wanting to be there for that person whenever possible? Is it truly accepting that person for who they are while never expecting them to change for you? Is it looking at them and not being able to keep yourself from smiling? Is it feeling peace when you are around them? Is it cherishing the phone conversations when they happen? Is it looking at them and thinking “she/he is so beautiful”. Is it looking at that person and thinking “yeah, I‘d marry them, “ Because if it isn’t, I ask you what truly is love then? And if it is; then…. I am in love.
In love with a woman who I consider one of my closest friends, in love with a woman who makes me nervous (in a good way) and in love with a woman who I don’t need to be my girlfriend, lover or wife. I’m not saying that I DON”T want these things because I absolutely would embrace it, but I am also saying I’m okay with where she is in my life. The best explanation that I can give you and that I understand best is that when you reach a place in your life where you live in the present moments and let go of all the things that you can’t control you allow things to be as they are. As they need to be, not expecting the moments to bend to your will or your wants for that matter. Sure, I want this beautiful woman in my life and she is, as a very great friend.
I remember having a conversation with a group of people last year in which we discussed various topics surrounding dating, relationships and love. And one of the people asked the group “Do you believe it’s possible to have more than one soul mate” I was very skeptical that it was possible for this to happen but if I’m in love with a woman now and willing to be in love with someone else, then it must be possible.
I don’t know if she is my soul mate but I do know that my soul connects with her energy and she knows that the reverse is also true. I believe that being in love is also being around someone and not having to exchange many words at all and still be okay. Have you ever experienced being around someone, not saying a word and still being at peace in the silence? That’s us when we are together, no matter how long we go in between not spending time together.
There was a point in time when we first met that I tried to force the issue and it just didn’t work out for different reason’s but by not holding that against one another I believe it has made our bond stronger, at least it has for me. I haven’t told her that I’m in love with her because I don’t feel that it will make a difference in the direction our relationship is already heading. I will admit that part of me doesn’t want to be rejected as well, but there is a bigger part of me that is happier knowing that yes I çan be in love with someone again.
That means that the hurt, anger and disappointment that I had from the last person that I was in love with has vanished. It means that my heart is open, it means that I”m emotionally available and that will mean so much to the women that I decide to date. Most people will associate me being in love with someone with not being able to love someone else, but that’s not where I find myself. I don’t find myself unable to move on or unable to love anyone else. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of that. I find myself dating with a purpose and ready to experience a full blown loving relationship again.
I am no longer controlled by the fear of being hurt that I have associated love with and if by chance the woman who I am in love with happens to read this blog entry, I hope that reading these words creates an excitement inside of you as much as me writing them did. Know that you deserve a King who will treat his woman like the Queen that she is and that together we can create a Kingdom that people will be envious of. I love you.
If the woman who I’m dating happens to read this blog entry, do not be turned off by this admittance, but instead trust in my authenticity and my words, be turned on because this means that I have untapped loved that is waiting to be expressed to someone who needs it. Know that in finding love we also find out that we are willing to put someone else first and I’m willing to put anyone first who is ready to be in love with me. Maybe that’s you?
Love can be ever so complicated, but like everything else in life, if we allow it to exist in whatever shape it presents itself it can be as beautiful and simple as a sunset entering the gulf.