Where Growth Happens

In Love? A Semi-Open letter to her and Love

There will be moments in our lives where we find ourselves in certain situations that we truly never expected ourselves to be. Some of these moments are exciting and some of them aren’t quite fulfilling. The unfullfilling moments don’t necessarily have to be bad moments they just simply make you realize that you may be in a situation that you don’t want to be in and will require you to make a decision to get out of that situation eventually.

But what do you do when you find yourself in a moment in your life where  you  neither want to be in that moment but okay being in that moment? This is the conundrum that  I currently find myself to be experiencing. In a moment that is both fulfilling and unfulfilling. Fulfilling because it feels peaceful and unfulfilling because the timing isn’t right. What is even more interesting is the FACT that I am not unhappy about it, but  instead at peace with it. You see, I’m in love with a woman who more than likely is not in love with me which typically would be a problem not only for me, but anyone, but I don’t find myself NEEDING to be with her. I would have never thought that someone could be in love with someone and not need to be with them in a relationship. But as I am now experiencing in this moment in my life  I am understanding that it’s possible.

Admitting that I’m in love with someone is not easy for me and it took some self evaluating of the situation, of myself and of my thoughts and/or actions that possibly led me to this conclusion. I kept asking myself “are you sure” and “why”. And I kept asking myself, how can you be  in love with someone and be okay NOT being with them? Furthermore, not only okay not being with them, but being okay seriously dating other people with the intention of truly loving them as well? But yet here I am, living proof that it is possible.

Some will say that it’s not love that I’m experiencing in this moment. But what is being in love? Is it constantly thinking about that person? Is it constantly wanting to be there for that person whenever possible? Is it truly accepting that person for who they are while never expecting them to change for you? Is it looking at them and not being able to keep yourself from smiling? Is it feeling  peace when you are around them? Is it cherishing the phone conversations when they happen? Is it looking at them and thinking “she/he is so beautiful”. Is it looking at that person and thinking “yeah, I‘d marry them, “ Because if it isn’t, I ask you what truly is love then? And if it is; then…. I am in love.

In love with a woman who I consider one of my closest friends, in love with a woman who makes me nervous (in a good way) and in love with a woman who I don’t need to be my girlfriend, lover or wife. I’m not saying that I DON”T want these things because I absolutely would embrace it, but I am also saying I’m okay with where she is in my life. The best explanation that I can give you and that I understand best  is that when you reach a place in your life where you live in the present moments and let go of all the things that you can’t control you allow things to be as they are. As they need to be, not expecting the moments to bend to your will or your wants for that matter. Sure, I want this beautiful woman in my life and she is, as a very great friend.

I remember having a conversation with a group of people last year in which we discussed various topics surrounding dating, relationships and love. And one of the people asked the group “Do you believe it’s possible to have more than one soul mate” I was very skeptical that it was possible for this to happen but if I’m in love with a woman now and willing to be in love with someone else, then it must be possible.

I don’t know if she is my soul mate but I do know that my soul connects with her energy and she knows that the reverse is also true. I believe that being in love is also being around someone and not having to exchange many words at all and still be okay. Have you ever experienced being around someone, not saying a word and still being at peace in the silence? That’s us when we are together, no matter how long we go in between not spending time together.

There was a point in time when we first met that I tried to force the issue and  it just didn’t work out for different reason’s but by not holding that against one another I believe it has made our bond stronger, at least it has for me. I haven’t told her that I’m in love with her because I don’t feel that it will make a difference in the direction our relationship is already heading. I will admit that part of me doesn’t want to be rejected as well, but there is a bigger part of me that is happier knowing that yes I çan be in love with someone again.

That means that the hurt, anger and disappointment that I had from the last person that I was in love with has vanished. It means that my heart is open, it means that I”m emotionally available and that will mean so much to the women that I decide to date.  Most people will associate me being in love with someone with not being able to love someone else, but that’s not where I find myself. I don’t find myself unable to move on or unable to love anyone else. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of that. I find myself dating with a purpose and ready to experience a full blown loving relationship again.

I am no longer controlled by the fear of being hurt that I have associated love with and if by chance the woman who I am in love with happens to read this blog entry, I hope that reading these words creates an excitement inside of you as much as me writing them did. Know that you deserve a King who will treat his woman like the Queen that she is and that together we can create a Kingdom that people will be envious of. I love you.

If the woman who I’m dating happens to read this blog entry, do not be turned off by this admittance, but instead trust in my authenticity and my words,  be turned on because this means that I have untapped loved that is waiting to be expressed to someone who needs it. Know that in finding love we also find out that we are willing to put someone else first and I’m willing to put anyone first who is ready to be in love with me. Maybe that’s you?

Love can be ever so complicated, but like everything else in life, if we allow it to exist in whatever shape it presents itself it can be as beautiful and simple as a sunset entering the gulf.

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7 Responses »

  1. Beautiful in every way. I read it twice!

  2. Jared, love is a very painfully honest emotion and I commend you for realizing that you felt it and had the courage to express it. It is possible to be in love with someone and not even be in a relationship with them. Just know that everyone defines and experiences love differently, so don’t doubt your feelings.
    I’ve recently asked myself the same questions about love. I haven’t been in love for 7 yrs and I’m not sure if what I currently feel is love. I care deeply for my man and I enjoy every moment (even the not so good obes), with him but I think I’m holding back just a little. You know when everything is going really smoothly and the experience is something out of a romantic movie? Yeah, that’s this girl right here. But the issue that I’m having is that I’m used to having drama weaved into my relationships as a distraction. So a normal relationship is somewhat weird at times for me. I realize that it’s going to take me more time to get there. I guess what I’m trying to say is: we all arrive at love differently.

    • You are very right Anita, we do arrive there differently and I can relate to being used to having some type of drama weaved into the relationships and when it’s not there it feels “weird” as if just waiting for the other shoe to drop but the shoe doesn’t always have to drop now does it? I truly believe love should be simple. Very excited for your relationship and can only hope that it last for as long as it is needed.

      • To answer that question, no, the other doesn’t always drop. However, it’s almost ingrained in many (even me) to expect the worst before really giving your heart and all. Yes, I agree. Love should be simple. My question for you: how do you keep from waiting for the other shoe to drop?

        Thx, Jarod. I hope and pray this relationship is the one. Dating sux! LOL

  3. This may sound cliche but you just stop waiting for it to drop. If and when that shoe drops it will be out of your control. That shoe dropping (drama) will come from the action of the other party, it is up to them to help you through it…to understand it. It is then up to you to help pick that shoe back up. We can’t find love expecting, holding back in fear. We find love not being afraid to be vulnerable. I would argue that love is not scary but instead vulnerability is scary. No one likes to feel exposed but what is love if we aren’t completely naked for the person we are with?

  4. Wow Jay! That was beautiful. You are a great man with a HUGE heart. You deserve to be loved fully and completely. The woman who captures your heart is a blessed woman indeed. I hope and pray that your love is realized and actualized sooner rather than later!

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