Human Connection

Flawless: Beyonce Carter

This is not what you think. No, this is not a post by a man glamouring over the curves of Beyonce (though they are nice) No this is a post about misinformation. This is a post about being uneducated on togetherness. This is a post about understanding Empowerment. Are you ready? Let’s go!

In a world where access to information is at an all time high I was shocked to see that something was missed(or was it?), ignored and not discussed by the masses in Beyoncé Carter’s Itune version of her song  “Flawless”.  Everyone was talking (especially women) about Beyoncé saying “bow down bitches” and how “hard” Beyoncé was trying to be in the song, or even worse how she isn’t being a role model for young girls. Really quick I’d like to point out that  the word bitch has become like the word Nigger. People have tried to take ownership of the word so that it no longer cuts deep the way that it use to. Women now call themselves “bitches” as a source of “empowerment” but it will always have a negative connotation attached to it  no matter how its said or who is saying it if it is said as an attack on someone’s character, precisely like the word nigger. Try as we might it still means and feels the same way if said by someone we do not know.

Truthfully speaking people using the word Bitch or Bitches doesn’t bother me any more than someone using the word Nigger, Nigga or Ninja, I don’t put my energy in to that anymore because a person’s mentality is their burden alone and besides I do understand what people are trying to do with trying to deflect the meaning behind it. I don’t have to respect it but I get it. Let us get back on subject about something  being missed among the masses. It wasn’t the aforementioned topic it was a fifty-two second part in the entire song that received little to no attention. It was fifty-two seconds of true empowerment for women but it fell on deaf ears. The words were

“We teach girls to shrink themselves to make themselves smaller. We say to girls you can have ambition but not too much, you should aim to be successful but not too successful, otherwise you’re reflecting the man.

Because I am female I am expected to aspire to marriage, I’m expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. Now Marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage but don’t teach boys the same?

We raise girls to see each other as competitors, not for jobs or accomplishments (which I think can be a good thing) but for attention of men. We teach girls that they can’t be sexual beings the way that boys are”.

Words spoken by Chimamanda ngozi Adichie but give Beyoncé the credit she deserves for the real meaning behind her song Flawless. It was not about bitches bowing down, it was about women respecting her for what she has done and what she does. It was about her as a woman defying the odds even when it’s expected for women to aspire to marriage only. This song was about people understanding that not only did she chase her dreams down, she owns the crown regardless of what society thinks and more importantly understanding that society is misleading women. This should have been the real discussion, this should have been where our attention laid because this needs to be talked about but instead it was on something far less empowering.

Chimamanda raises a great question does she not? Why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage but don’t teach boys the same? I also ask is the disconnect between men and women happening simply because of what we are taught as little kids? Would there be a better connection if we taught both little boys and girls to aspire to the same things in life? Would there be a better connection in intimacy if we taught little boys and girls the same things emotionally?

Could it be so simple as Equal Education on living? These are the questions and topics that should be discussed, debated and fixed. I didn’t see one Facebook post, tweet or instagram picture from women about the words spoken in this song by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, instead I saw post about “I woke up like this” or trying to tear down Beyoncé for the lyrics in her songs. How about this? Instead of finding fault in her, ASPIRE to be like her in her work ethic.

The majority of society will stay true to form in its goal to mislead an uneducated people. When I say uneducated I do not speak of master degrees and PhD’s, I speak solely on common sense/knowledge. We live in an information age, not knowing truth from false is unacceptable. Women speak of wanting to be equal but try to tear down a woman who is the definition of success, not only financially but also in love and marriage (as far as we can tell).

But like Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (look her up) stated, women have been taught to compete with each other instead of lifting up each other. It’s funny because  that sounds exactly like the issue that exist within  the black communities as a whole. However, this isn’t just about black people, it’s about all people not sticking together and that has to stop.  I ask, how can it be stopped if the conversations aren’t being had? How can women have a bigger voice if the women listening aren’t truly hearing?

At the end of her statement Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie gave the definition for Feminist: “A person who believes in the social, political and economic equality of the sexes” and sadly the majority of people who are trying to belittle Beyonce’s  accomplishments are  the same women Beyoncé is telling  to be “Flawless”.  We all know that Flawless is not possible but it can be a mentality to strive to be. It is that same drive that has allowed Beyoncé “to wake up like this” not you.

It’s time to change the conversations, its time to stop missing the empowering moments(like in this song), its time to wake up to the bigger issues at hand and its time break through the glass ceilings that have been placed there by people who don’t want women there.  It’s time to stop shrinking  and  instead it’s time to educate each other(men and women) on the misinformation being taught.

As a man I don’t care how you wake up but I do care if you don’t WAKE UP….


  1. Great post Jay.

    I am amazed at how quick we (women) are to tear down one another. All too often we can see the “flaws” in one another, yet fail to see the limitations in our our character. I am not a fan of words that carry negative connotations because of the potentially damaging impact they can have on another person. With that said, I have to admit that I’ve used the same very words myself. I am not proud of this fact, but I have come to a place where I try to be ever-careful about my diction/wording.

    On another note, I am hopeful that popular culture won’t be the stick with which we measure our worth in terms of success (career, marriage, finances, etc). As a human collective I year for us to realize that there are a myriad of ways to achieve our own personal success without comparing our journey with that of others.

    1. Pop culture shouldn’t be the only stick to measure one’s success, there are so many area’s of one’s life that we can be successful in but as long as we take the approach of “I’m going to be the best in this area of my life” we should always get to the top of where we want to be.

  2. I love this song and it is because of that fifty two second part, that I love this song. I’m all about Woman Empowerment and this speaks to that. I’m glad a man could see this and point it out!

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