I began conversing over a few different topics that appear to be going on not only in society but especially in the black community over the weekend with a friend of mine. We both consider ourselves to be very open minded individuals who believe that people are entitled to live their lives however they deem fit. The conversation ranged from understanding one’s ancestral history to the way fear is used to control people. We didn’t agree on everything that we discussed but the one thing that we spent the majority of the time discussing was the fact of how multitudes of people have allowed their religious faith to keep them from finding love.
Now, most religious single living people are not accepting this as fact and will deny this at every turn. Some will even defend it by saying they would rather have “Jesus” for example than to have a lover. So in a sense Jesus has become their “faithful” husband, wife, boyfriend or girlfriend all the while still remaining lonely. This fantasy may temporarily fill a void but physical companionship can never be replaced, no matter what is portrayed otherwise from those in your circle. We exist in a physical realm, we are physical creatures who need physical love as well as spiritual love. God can’t give us both, in fact it is us that gives God both. God experiences life in the physical realm through us not the other way around. Faith cannot be your lover but it can be a hindrance if not fully understood.
This placing of faith in everything God is what works for religious institutes because it keeps the people in the system but for the sake of trying not to offend any more than I have, let’s not call it the system. Let us call it the place of love. The church warrants this loneliness to a certain extent and is glad you are lonely because a lonely person must continue to put faith in the religious place of love. If you continue to place faith in them they then can always count on someone spreading the word for them. It is true that they want you to fall in love but that love comes with special requirements. “If you are not equally yoked” then do not pursue is the doctrine that is taught and then followed.
The main ingredient to the reason why unequally yoked spiritual lives don’t work is not that the fact the different religious lifestyles exist its because of the different mindsets that exist. If you can expand your mind and openly communicate what you feel anything is possible. As my friend mentioned over the weekend, it’s not that people are close minded its simply because people have been taught to be either or as if both can’t be possible. Most individuals are putting blind faith in faith even when doing it the “Muslim” way yields the same results as the years before. What is the definition of insanity?
Again, there is nothing wrong with faith and this is not an attack on faith, though I may not be religious anymore I too have faith, I too believe in faith, I too believe that having faith makes things possible, not easy. This is not an attack on faith but it’s an attempt of breaking through an unrealistic reality that many people are living in the religious lifestyle. To be equally yoked means to believe in similar characteristics. One can’t believe in light while another believes in dark. But it does not mean that two different people who believe in God can’t be together. It does not mean that spiritual individuals can’t grow together. If anyone is teaching you that this is not the case, I beg you to find a new place to grow.
Would it take more work? Yes! Would it take proper communication? Yes! Would it take compromise? Yes! Of course but doesn’t any other type of relationship? “Faith without work is dead”
If having Jesus, God, Allah whichever you call your God (which really is the same God) were all that one needed to fill the human need of physical love then there wouldn’t be millions of single people still looking for love on all of the dating website I’ve come across. I wouldn’t have so many friends still single and searching. Religion is not enough, it simply isn’t. Now, why do I say that religion is keeping people single?
The reasoning is quite simple. People are choosing to not date individuals who meet all of the criteria that they need to be loved all because of the fact that they do not meet the one criteria of believing in the same faith. A faith mind you, that most of them theirself aren’t living fully not to mention truly understanding. They are choosing to be in love with their belief over choosing to be in love with something tangible.
It has gotten to the point where religious people are deciding to settle for less than what they need from a person but choosing to be with that person because they meet the one criteria of calling themselves a Muslim, a Christian etc. They are choosing the one thing based on belief over the many things that are based in actuality. Case in point is the fact that I’ve watched many people who weren’t ideal for one another marry one another only to divorce one another after realizing that the person married was not the Christian they claimed to be.
As a single man who is involved in the dating world it is widely known that finding someone who appreciates the values of love, friendship and relationship is hard. There is a disconnect between people. But I also have watched many women pass on seriously dating someone all because the person does not believe what they believe. Often times what they believe; they only believe because it’s how they were raised not really ever questioning what they believe , making statements such as “Jesus will send them the right man or woman all in due time.”
Jesus is going to continue to keep many people single until they choose to change their perspective of what finding love really is. This is not blasphemy, this is not the devil being a liar; this is quite simply facing the reality of the situation. I don’t know about you but I deal in truth. There are many good people out there that are great matches for one another but we discredited them because of the religious focus.
What’s interesting to note is that many people blame the government or others I.E. the whiteman for the reason why black families are falling apart. I’d argue that it’s a mixture of a few things but none more so than Religion keeping us apart. God should bring us together but because we believe in different things we are allowing that difference to keep us from re-connecting. It’s the same reason why wars have been started. If you don’t believe in what I believe you are not good enough to be part of what I have to offer.
Please keep in mind that there are many successful relationships that are based in a religious lifestyle, there is no denying that at all. They do exist and they lead others to want that type of relationship as well. The truth is though, the religion brought them together in a mutual place (a beginning) but it was the mutual decision to take a chance on loving the other person. That is how you find love, by taking a chance on someone.
Someone not being Catholic doesn’t lessen your chances of falling in love no more than someone being Catholic increases your chances of falling in love. We make the decision, we choose to see the good, we choose to overlook what we dislike, we are the decision makers. It is not religion and it is not God, though we tend to want to give God “all the glory”. What the religion does is give you the perspective of saying “well she’s a God-fearing” woman so I will give her a chance. As if fearing God is enough to make your relationship work when it is not. Don’t be fooled by what you hear from other people in your place of worship.
If people truly want to fall in love, they are going to have to start living outside of the box they have placed themselves in. Sources are limited in a boxed off area but resources are plentiful when you expand the borders. Stop self quarantining. Mindsets need to change, perspectives need to readjust and criteria must be re-evaluated. Someone who can love you is right around the corner from you if you understand that even though you believe in different ways to get there they both lead to the same place.
As long as God is in the midst of your relationships they all will flourish if there is open communication with all involved. Stop passing up on good men and good women because they don’t meet one criteria that the world has never been able to agree on.(My God is the right God). People are cutting their options by more than half in an area that has proven to be harder to be successful in. Spiritual people and religious people should be able to love one another because we are spirit first made in the likeness of God (spirit/energy). Unequally yoked is in reference to non-believers and believers.
Maybe people are comfortable with their Religion being their lover for the rest of their lives which means they have given up on the idea of real love; but I’m hoping that somewhere out there (maybe you) are people who aren’t. And again, this is not a knock on religion and faith because there is not a better feeling than growing towards OUR God but God can’t be your physical lover in a physical world and too many people are believing that Religion is enough and that by their faith God will bring them their partner.
Until people realize that their beliefs (which aren’t facts) are what is causing them to be single they more than likely will continue to go to bed at night sleeping beside their invisible lover and I don’t thank Jesus for that.