Where Growth Happens

It Won’t Happen to Me…Until it Does

Thats typically what everyone believes when it comes to the possibility of either something bad happening to them or something extremely wonderful happening to them. In the back of our minds most people refuse to believe it will happen to them until it does.

I am no different when it comes to this type of thinking.  I assume its only natural to believe that the odds of something extremely bad or good happening is as rare as say hitting the mega millions (which I played tonight). There is a saying that says “sure the odds are not good to win but if you never play then you definitely won’t” ..lol..the simple logic in life. So don’t judge me on my $9.00 ticket I spent tonight.  If it makes you feel any better half of it was spent on the power ball…not better? Oh well the point is that the extreme good can happen to any of us causing serious change in our lives as well.

I don’t find myself on the end of the extreme good yet and I don’t find myself on the end of extreme bad as of yet either but this Friday could possibily change my life drastically.  So drastically that it has prompted me to start thinking about things I’ve never thought about before.

“It won’t happen to me” has been the mindset that I have when it comes to the things I hear about from others. I’ve always been a fairly healthy individual. I never did any drugs in my life and I never smoked cigarettes. I have done my fair share of drinking but never in over indulgence other than on my 30th birthday when I was passed out inside the club.

I’ve been exercising regularly for the last 12 years of my life and I’ve never thought that I’d be thinking about what I’ve been thinking about the last few days.

You see; a few weeks ago I went in for a doctor’s visit that was long overdue. Because I couldnt afford health insurance the last 10 years I hadnt  been to the doctor for any type of preventive checkups other than your standard STD testing. It turns out everything is good except the fact that my doctor felt a lump by my thyroid that didn’t seem normal and gave him concern. Really?

So he scheduled an ultrasound 2 weeks ago and that was the first time in my life that I started thinking about the realness of how quick a person’s life can change. For a couple of days I worried about whether or not it would come back cancerous and if it did what did that mean for me?

Anyone that knows me, knows that I’m generally 99.9% positive all the time. So I haven’t allowed too many negative thoughts to enter my mind. In fact even though the test came back as “complicated” a week later I didn’t freak out too much. I scheduled a biopsy of my thyroid for August 9th per the request of my doctor.

As the day has gotten closer(Friday) I’ve gotten a little worried about the situation.  Even though 95% of these test of the thryoid nodules come back as Benign (based on what I’ve read) there is still a 5% chance that I’l have cancer of the thyroid. And as a man who has no problem admitting his worries…that worries me.

“It won’t happen to me” ; thats what I keep telling myself but it might. And that worries me. I’m only 32 years of age and there is still so much more that I want to do(and will do). I understand that treatments for cancer have improved and that most cancer in the throat area of the body has a high success rate but there is always that possibility that its unsuccessful .

I’m thinking positive and being positive but the thinking that it won’t happen to me has shown me that its naive to think that way and that I really haven’t been putting 110% into my goals, my family, my friends, finding love…basically what I call my life.

I believe wholeheartedly that my test results from the biopsy on this Friday will come back with good news. But I can’t stop wondering..what if it doesn’t? Am I ready for that? Who will be by my side? Can I handle the treatments? Am I going to die? These are just a few questions that I find myself asking lately.

Only a few people know that I need to have this 2nd test done(I guess a few more will know if they read my blog) but if I had my choice they wouldn’t know either not because I’m a loner(I am) but because I don’t want them to worry at least not until there is a need.

And lets be honest there might not ever be a need but I didn’t want them to be surprised if there was. Its sad that we can never relate to a person until we go through it ourselves because i believe if there were; people would be much more inclined to be more involved in not only more causes but also living more fully.

I’m making a promise to myself right now that I will do more and be more regardless of the outcome on Friday. Its interesting….one could live on this earth for 32 years and all it takes is 1 day to change everything…..think about that and remember how blessed we really are because its easy to move on, forget and state “It won’t happen to me”…until it does

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3 Responses »

  1. Jay, I’ve always thought that you should write because you always seem interested in sharing your perspective and your day and life. This was a fantastic ready and I tend to always say “better me” more than “it won’t happen to me”. Sometimes in life, we are being prepared for something greater and those who can handle the journey will be tested. We all have so much to offer if we allow ourselves to understanding live in a constant state of appreciation. Love this blog and you are your strength and your health is a gift. Be Blessed and be a blessing everyday. Thanks for such a transparent blog.
    Carla

  2. I do truly hope all turns out ok. Its refreshing to hear someone be so positive but I can only imagine how scary this time is as well. If you need to talk please call me. I believe in being positive as well and its the mind set of being positive and of having hope that keeps us healthier than anything. I wish you the best and please keep me posted. -Gen

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