There was never a time in my life where I wasn’t able to express how I’m feeling through the words I put down on paper or typed in an online journal. There were many words that gushed out of me on a weekly basis that I often didn’t have enough time to write it all down.
Right now though I feel empty. Not spiritually empty just empty of words, empty of expression. I’m not sure why this is and I’ve tried to write, I’ve tried to encourage like I use to do but the words that I write just don’t seem like it makes sense. So much so that I often don’t even finish the thoughts.
I can’t quite put my finger on it but I’m in between thinking that something is either missing or I am at a place where I no longer need to write. Since I love writing and the feeling that I get from it I have to think that something is missing. Its up to me now to figure out what that missing is.
I’ve fallen out of routine practices that I use to do, this I do know. I have to get back to it regardless of what else is going on my life. I’m here to change lives; this I do know and I feel its through my words, through my view of the world, through my life and I have to get back to that.
Its a weird place to be in when you no longer can do something you enjoy. For the last 2 years of my life I have been so focused on changing careers, making new friends and potentially finding someone that I can love. In the middle of all this I stopped practicing my meditations, getting outdoors in the nature, reading spiritual literature. I’m having to assume that my disconnectedness with my words stem from this.
The balance that it takes to remain consistent with the things you have in your life while bringing new things in to your life is very fickle. A slippery slope but if this is the slope that I must go down then I’m going to have to master this trajectory completely. I’ve read that even the greatest authors of all time struggled to write, struggled to produce anything they deemed worthy to be read.
That gives me some courage because right now I don’t feel like anything that I write is worthy of being expressed to the world.. I bought a new book yesterday to read with a friend of mines. The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz. I’m going to embrace the words in this book in hopes that it will help reignite the fire inside of me to write.
“Its been awhile” since I’ve expressed myself in this way. Its time to get back…this space can no longer be empty…..