I had a conversation with one of my old clients this week about the dating life. She knows about the ladies that I’ve dated in the last 7 months of me being here in Tampa and I know about the men she has been dating. My client is at least 25 years older than myself and what we both agree on is that no matter what age you are the dating scene is not easy; in fact its very tricky for everyone regardless of the age.
Towards the end of our conversation about dating and me explaining to her my view on sitting back and letting it just happen she suggested that its possible that I move too slow. This never really dawned on me until she told me that a few of the men she has gone on dates with have kissed her on the first date and that she was okay with it. This was kind of shocking to me but it has definitely got me to thinking this week.
Do I move too slow? And what is too slow? My goal when dating someone is to take it at an gradual pace and to allow the physical touches to just happen. The last thing that I want is for the woman to feel or think that all I want is the sex. Don’t get me wrong I definitely enjoy the physical connection but I’ve always thought that ladies wanted to take it a little slow. But maybe I’m wrong in this thinking? Maybe I should be moving in for the kiss on the 2nd date but its not like me at all. Maybe I have this entire “game” wrong?
I don’t see myself changing my approach but it does make me wonder. I’m not a very easy guy to read; in fact if anyone tries to “read” me before they even know me the chances are they will get the wrong vibe or feeling from me in regards to ME being a potential match for them. I can’t help it; I’m an Aquarius and I value friendship over relationship in the beginning and it takes a woman who is confident not only in her sex appeal but within her entire person to be able to understand me. A woman’s confidence is so sexy to me and brings me closer to what we are trying to figure out.
I say this and yet here I am wondering if I’m just too laid back for most women. I wonder if me simply enjoying the company without placing expectations on it is too “non-commital” for most women(not all women). I don’t know how to be anything else other than who I am and who I am is the “nice guy” who respect women on all levels. Who I am is the guy who truly is living in peace and my ego does not control what I feel. I’m at a point in my life where I’m looking for more than the physical, I can get sex, that has never been an issue but what I have yet to be able to get is someone who simply enjoys being around me without the expectations. Someone who just enjoys being….
Many will probably read that last line and say “Jay has a commitment issue” and that is furthest from the truth. In fact I am 100% ready to settle down but I am not ready to settle…period. My thinking is this, if I’m going to potentially spend the rest of my life with you then you and I best be best friends first or damn near close. And for me the only way to get there is to be able to enjoy each other without all the physical contact(at least in the beginning).
I guess I’m old fashioned and will work on improving my “approach” but if opening car doors, doors, pulling out the seat, sitting beside you instead of across from you and waiting a couple dates to kiss is not the way things should be then I think I’ll be single a little longer and honestly I’m more than okay with that.
Oh, also; did I mention that I don’t like the chase either? I have come to the conclusion that this is a fact. A fact that I’m not proud of but its the truth and I speak the truth, regardless, even if it does not go in my favor. I don’t know if I have some left over bitterness from the different women I have pursued in the past but I truly don’t like it. I feel like its a game and I don’t play games. BUT I chase slightly because I know its expected but what I expect is some of that love thrown back my way…is that too much to ask for?
One of these days in the very near future I will figure out the perfect mixture to all of this…..I’m just confessing that this dating thing is not easy…….AT ALL. Ladies and Gentlemen help me out with this…what are you thoughts?
Note to Self: A real woman recognizes a real man…real can only recognize real (at least thats what I think)